Be happy…. think about death! 2016 Resolutions.

Be happy…. think about death!

WANT a better 2016? Try thinking more about your every day. No I don’t mean your routine or your eating habits or lack of exercise or business financials but about your work - why you do what you do.

Meditating death is a key to better living. Contemplating our own demise forces us into considering the present and future. Knowing that one day it will all come to an end (depending on your beliefs) allows the brain to acknowledge the present and living and the countless opportunities that await us. The future depends on what you do now, today. Death will surely come knocking - as a professional in the funeral industry you know this but are you ready for it? Have you fulfilled your Bucket List? If by some miracle you have then create a new one for 2016. If you have procrastinated on your Bucket List until now then make 2016 the year you complete the list. To make this easier and more achievable when planning always try to vividly visualize the activity - when is it happening, where and how?

Sometimes we can become to engulfed in our work day to day that we lose sight of why we do what we do until we lose someone ourselves and then it is often too late. So if you are planning a summer holiday this year - if this was to be the last one ever - with whom would you go and spend some time? Where would you go? What would you do when there? How long would you go for?

If this year were your last, would you spend the next hour mindlessly checking your social media, or would you call someone you haven’t spoken to in a while? Would you spend the day with your family or spend the day helping other families? Some of our choices are not easy, or fair and sometimes it takes looking death directly in the eye before we realize the real choices we want to and should make. Although his name is now forever associated with drug allegations in sport some would say that it took a serious potentially fatal cancer diagnosis to send Lance Armstrong on to make history and win seven consecutive Tour de France championships. What will your Tour de France be?

There’s still time to rethink your resolutions. Forget losing weight, giving up cigarettes (although you should try!) and saving money. Those are New Year’s resolutions for regular joe soaps but you’re a funeral director. You live, breathe and sleep death so why not apply it to your own life and this year, improve your outlook: Be fully alive now by thinking about your demise. Have a Happy  and Healthy 2016!

Steve Jobs 

“Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life.
Almost everything--all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure--these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. 
Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart. 
No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet, death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it, and that is how it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It's life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new.”

Don't ever let anything stop you

I just listened to Tony Robbins and his 2006 TedTalks piece. I watched through to the end and was glad I did when he told a beautiful touching story about his experience of the 9/11 terrorist attacks on America. He was right when he claimed that it is when people are faced with extreme adversity and death that they become emotionally and physically driven to change the course of their lives and to LIVE their life.

This is what he said:
"When 9/11 happened -- I'll finish with this -- I was in Hawaii. I was with 2,000 people from 45 countries. We were translating four languages simultaneously for a program that I was conducting for a week. The night before (9/11) was called "Emotional Mastering.".......And all of a sudden I said, "When do people really start to live? When they face death."

And then I went through this whole thing about, if you weren't going to get off this island, if nine days from now you were going to die, who would you call, what would you say, what would you do?

One woman -- well, that night is when 9/11 happened -- one woman had come to the seminar and when she came there, her previous boyfriend had been kidnapped and murdered. Her friend, her new boyfriend, wanted to marry her, and she said no. He said, "If you leave and go to that Hawaii thing, it's over with us." She said, "It's over."

When I finished that night, she called him and left a message at the top of the World Trade Center where he worked, saying, "Honey, I love you, I just want you to know I want to marry you. It was stupid of me."

She was asleep, because it was 3 a.m. for us, when he called her back from the top and said, "Honey, I can't tell you what this means." He said, "I don't know how to tell you this, but you gave me the greatest gift because I'm going to die." And she played the recording for us in the room.

She was on Larry King later, and he said, "You're probably wondering how on Earth this could happen to you twice." And he said, "All I can say to you is, this must be God's message to you, honey. From now on, every day give your all, love your all. Don't let anything ever stop you."

Celebrity deaths and public mourning

Just this week we lost David Bowie and Alan Rickman to that devastating disease called cancer. It was a sad week in Celebrity world and millions of people around the world reacted on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Snapchat to name a few. Why do we mourn people who we have never met so publicly?

Millions attended Whitney Houston's funeral and listened to "I will always love you" as her body left the local church. After Getty Images photographer Chris Hondros was killed covering a Libyan uprising, thousands attended his memorial service. The majority of the audience at each of these funerals attended them virtually which is one of the few things that is changing the way we mourn and how we do funerals in the 21st Century. EVERYONE can be let in to experience this historically private event.

Snapchat, YouTube and Twitter have also made us much more comfortable with sharing intimate details about ourselves online with strangers on a constant basis. Many deaths and funerals are reported, commented on, tweeted, snapped, recorded and posted online before even their loved ones have heard of the news.

According to Famous NYC Funeral Home to the Stars Frank E Campbell 'They (the public) Want Closure'. The funeral home stood as a backdrop to those who came to mourn Heath Ledger in NYC in 2008, as his casket was carried from the home, and the media and fans who came to watch. The intense dedication and unity of the mourners, the familial connections felt for people they have never met, the volatility of grief was apparent for all to see and this is not just reserved for Heath Ledger and his fans but to every "celebrity" or person in the publin arena. "They need to be a part of that life that they ... have never touched personally, individually, privately, and in person — but through the media, through television, through the movies, it was very much a part of their growing up and their life. They want closure," Schultz (director) said. "People from every walk of life."

Did you know? There was Rules of mourning?!

Did you know? There was Rules of mourning?! I mean what now?!

The twenty-fifth edition of the "Rules of Etiquette and Home Culture" published in 1893 explains how the longest mourning for a widow should last a period of two years. During the first year of mourning only black wool was to be worn, without any trimmings or jewelry. Black silk with white collars and cuffs was worn during the second period of mourning, which lasted six months. Grey, white, and violet could be introduced during the last six months of mourning.

In days past, the rules of behavior for mourning were well known and rigorously followed.  Today? Not so much.....but there are definitely some people who still 'follow the rules'.

There was a Catholic etiquette book written in 1962:

Case in Point: JFK's funeral-
A day of national mourning was declared for President John Kennedy. His widow wore traditional black BUT ALSO - One in mourning does not go to large public functions, balls or dinner parties. He does not dine out in restaurants or go to parties. He also does not host parties or social functions in his home during the mourning period.

ALSO - He may dine with friends in his home. He may continue such sports as he has always played, but his costume should be dark-colored and suitable to the game he is playing.

ALSO - A widow or widower should not accept or offer attentions to the opposite sex for a year.

These standards were strictly maintained through the Civil War period and even into the beginning of the 20th century in higher society and good families. Many people, however, began to adopt the more practical custom of simply wearing dark clothing to express their mourning and this continues through to today's funerals across the world.

Top 21 pubs in Ireland

The MUST visit Bars in Ireland according to dailyedge.ie BUT in 2013 and while I agree and disagree with names on this list, I want YOUR opinion - have you been to Ireland, where did you rate or not?? Would love to know!

1. O’Loclainn’s, Ballyvaughan

2. Hi-B, Cork

Source: YouTube

3. O Riada’s, Kilkenny

Source: Shadowgate

4. The Hatch Bar, Kildare

Update: We’ve been informed that The Hatch has closed down. But DO NOT DESPAIR: McEvoys is literally just across the canal.

5. Mulligan’s of Poolbeg St, Dublin

Source: infomatique

6. Tigh Neachtain’s, Galway

Source: Barnacles Hostels

7. O’Connells, Portobello, Dublin

Source: Keo the Younger

8. O’Shea’s, Borris

Source: James Fennell Photography

9. The Long Hall, Dublin

Source: peterme

10. Nancy’s, Ardara

Source: sludgegulper

11. Downes, Waterford

Source: johnanthonyloftus

12. Matt Molloy’s, Westport

Source: young shanahan

13. L Mulligan Grocer, Stoneybatter, Dublin

Source: bsii

14. Kenny’s of Lucan

15. Smugglers Creek, Rossnowlagh

Source: WolfHo

16. Tom Barry’s, Cork

Source: Glass of Win

17. The Lord Edward, Dublin

Source: fhwrdh

18. O’Connell’s, Galway

Source: Facebook

19. The Blackbird, Ballycotton

Source: aidancasey

20. Foxy John’s, Dingle

Source: ach10

21. Geoff’s, Waterford

Top 10 places to visit in Ireland

According to the website Irishcentral.com here are the top ten places to visit in Ireland. We agree and disagree at certain places.....

1. Boyne Valley

Brú na Bóinne (the Boyne Palace) County Meath contains some of the most important historic sites and monuments in Ireland.

It features the megalithic ancient passage tombs (graves dating back to ancient times) - of Newgrange, Knowth and Dowth. These tombs are older than both Stonehenge in England and the Pyramids of Giza in Egypt.

Newgrange, which was built about 5,000 years ago, is Ireland's most famous prehistoric site.

NOTE: The Hill of Tara is also in Co. Meath.

2. Ring of Kerry

Ancient monuments, romantic castles, spectacular gardens and colorful towns and villages! What's not to love?!

3. The Cliffs of Moher

The Cliffs stretch for almost 5 miles and rise up to 702 feet over the waters of the Atlantic ocean. A beauty to behold!

4. Giant’s Causeway

The Giant's Causeway is a fantastic part of Irish Folklore. It tells us that an Irish giant named Finn MacCool once lived in the area, and from across the sea he could see a Scottish giant, Benandonner, his rival, whom he had never met. Finn challenged Benandonner to come to Ireland to fight. Because no boat was big enough to carry the giant, Finn built a causeway of stones in the water so that Benandonner would be able to make it across. When Finn realized the Scottish giant was far bigger than he had expected, he fled to the hills where his wife disguised him as a baby. This move foxed Bennadonner because he thought that if the child was that big, the father would be even bigger. Benandonner fled back to the Scotland, ripping up the causeway behind him, so that Finn wouldn’t be able to follow him.

5. Aran Islands

Inishmór, Inishmaan and Inisheer.......The frozen-in-time, we-aint-changing-for-no-one islands are famous for their preservation of a rural existence largely unchanged, at least culturally, over the centuries and They.ARE.Fabulous!

6. Guinness Storehouse

Apparently this is a must see (I disagree) but a trip to Dublin's most popular tourist attraction is pretty much compulsory for any self-respecting guinness drinker in Ireland's capital. (I say go to the Jameson Distillery!!)

7. Trinity College Dublin

Ok so I am going to be biased about this as I went to DCU and hell that college ROCKED! BUT I do get that there is historical fabulousness to Trinity - for example - the college is best known for the Book of Kells (how cool is that!!) but it is also worth going there to check out the Long Room of its old library -apparently, this room was the inspiration for a room called the Jedi Archives, in the movie, “Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones.” - WOWSA

8. The Burren

Its got limestone, flowers and all sort of fabulous nature-y things. DO it!

9. St. Patrick’s Cathedral

St. Patrick's Cathedral, Ireland’s largest church, is also one of the biggest tourist attractions in Dublin and its in the city centre so christ go visit - go on, go on, go on!

10. Croke Park

Croke Park is the HQ of the Gaelic Athletic Association (GAA), the sporting body responsible for Hurling and Gaelic Football, which are Ireland's national games.

Frank E Campbell NYC, Funeral Home to the Stars

Anybody who is anybody in NYC and has lost a loved one knows the name Frank Campbell. Maybe they haven't even lost a loved one but just attended one of the many hundreds of funerals they service a year. Regardless the name Frank E Campbell Funeral Home is synonymous with Upper Class, Celebrity, Manhattan Elite and more importantly privacy and an almost Genie like funeral. They grant the final wishes of the elite akin to the late great Robin Williams of Aladdin in the Disney movie.

Frank and his funeral home first attracted international recognition in 1926, when a famously beloved on screen silent movie romeo Rudolph Valentino died of a ruptured ulcer at the tender age of 31. The crowds at the funeral were huge...and dramatic. There was a rumor that Frank had replaced Valentino's body with a wax figure because the crowd of fans became so maniacal. A little known fact was that Frank had paid some of the mourners to faint and swoon at the funeral to garner more coverage in the media. A bit like the keeners we had in old Ireland, Frank used some seriously innovative PR moves to engage the media and it worked. Apparently he also took out a $1 million insurance policy on his 15-year-old son, Frank Junior, making him "the most heavily ­insured boy in the country". His use of publicity, engagement of the media, innovation in the industry and advertising his funeral home built his home and name to what it is today.

Frank began this innovative voyage long before Valentino's funeral however and has even been credited with starting the purchase of obituaries in newspapers and of adding chapels of all faiths to a funeral home, something which is only hitting Ireland in recent years. When Frank founded the Frank E. Campbell Burial and Cremation Company in 1898, he attempted to change the way people thought about funeral service. At that time in America, most funerals were conducted in private homes, but New York was becoming a city of apartment dwellers and people no longer had space. He actually started it in Downtown Manhattan but Frank was a socialite in all the right circles and soon recognized his niche in the market and moved to the current address in the Upper East Side. He also began to use motor vehicles instead of the typical horse drawn carriages to carry the deceased. His innovative legacy continues today even though the funeral home is currently not in his family anymore but a part of the industry giant SCI.

“We make sure our entranceway is taken care of properly without having the family being inundated,” George Amato, current president of Frank E Campbell says. “In the building, we have a private elevator and a private floor for the visitation that takes place. We have our security men on the front door checking the people arriving to make sure they are on the list, and they are escorted properly upstairs.” Mobile or cellphones are banned from the main chapel. Simple additions but all add to the security, privacy and comfort for families of the rich and famous.

The home has catered for a huge variety of 'sombodies' including Heads of State, United Nations Ambassadors, Dignitaries, Royalty, and Celebrity members of the arts and entertainment world. The staff are well equipped in a variety of languages and religions and there are 3 funeral counsellors or 'experts' on site who are educated in everything from coffin sizing, decor, religion specifics and repatriation legalities. In total there are 53 people on staff but they regularly hire in extra staff on a regular basis such as off duty NYC police officers as security.

In 1969, when the beautiful and beloved Judy Garland died, as many as 1,500 fans stood vigil outside Campbell’s during a vicious NYC heat wave. Judy Garland's visitation lasted over 24 hours, some people coming through to pay their respects 3 times - up to 20,000 fans went past her glass-enclosed ­coffin to view her in repose. Mourners included Lauren Bacall (who became a Campbell's client when she died aged 89 on Aug 11th last year) , then-Mayor John Lindsay, Patricia Kennedy Lawford and Garland’s daughters, Liza Minnelli and Lorna Luft. In another PR stunt, the press was not allowed access which of course just heightened the appeal and intrigue.

Such is the association with Frank E Campbell's and Celebrity that when John Lennon was assassinated in 1980 the media presumed that they would be handling the arrangements, and camped out there. Such was the media mayhem that a decoy hearse had to be sent for the media to follow, which they did and Mr Lennon was transported to be cremated in peace.

George Amato says one of the most complex funeral arrangements in recent years involved the accidental-overdose death of 28-year-old ­actor Heath Ledger in January 2008. "I was very closely involved with the people who were hand­ling him, because he was going to be sent to Los Angeles and then Australia," Amato says. "There was the Warner Brothers private jet that was being used for him and the family, so there was a lot of coordination to make sure that it all went exactly the way they wanted it, and we had to maintain the privacy and confidentiality that they wanted."

In terms of crazy requests George was not willing to divulge too much and with good reason. Confidentiality is their number one promise. However families can dictate whatever they want, and Campbell’s promises that no legal request is ever denied. When asked what requests he could tell me about, he told me of  a time where a family requested a highly exotic and rare flower. Money was no object and rarely is, so I'm told. The funeral home's response? "if it is growing somewhere on this earth we will find it and get it to you for the service." And they did. At another service, a request had been made for the deceased’s two Doberman pinschers to stand at the foot of their master’s casket. They did and they never moved or barked.

The home deals with 'celebrity' in different ways too depending on family wishes. For example the recent Joan Rivers funeral was extremely private and had a guestlist whereas the recent Governor Cuomo was large and open to the public and they had to close down 79th to 86th street for 18 limousines to transport family and dignitaries from the home to St Patrick's Cathedral on 5th Avenue in Midtown (a HUGE deal and irritant to New Yorkers). Then when Vice President Biden wanted to pay his respects the entire cathedral had to be searched and locked down for the visitation which is a huge security task.

Campbell himself died on Jan. 19, 1934, at age 62 of heart disease.

The list of clients reads like a Who’s Who: Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, Robert F. Kennedy, Ed Koch, Judy Garland, Leona Helmsley, Ed Sullivan, James Cagney, Greta Garbo, George Gershwin, William Randolph Hearst, Malcolm Forbes, Roscoe “Fatty” Arbuckle, Joan Crawford, Rita Hayworth, L’Wren Scott, Heath Ledger, gangster Frank Costello and Philip Seymour Hoffman.

Last spotted at the Frank E Campbell Funeral home include:
Aaliyah
Roscoe "Fatty" Arbuckle
Pedro Armendáriz, Jr.
Arleen Auger
Herman Badillo
Lauren Bacall
Irving Berlin
Peter Boyle
Lord Buckley
James Cagney
Oleg Cassini
Montgomery Clift
Frank Costello
Joan Crawford
Walter Cronkite
Celia Cruz
Mario Cuomo
Candy Darling
Thomas E. Dewey
Dominick Dunne
Jeanne Eagels
Malcolm Forbes
Billy Martin
Greta Garbo
Judy Garland
George Gershwin
Adam Goldstein
Lesley Gore
Rita Hayworth
Leona Helmsley
Jim Henson
Philip Seymour Hoffman‪
Richard Isay
Peter Jennings
Madeline Kahn
Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis
Mordecai Lawner‪
Heath Ledger‪
John Lennon
Dick Lynch
Mary MacLeod Trump
Norman Mailer
Bat Masterson
Ethel Merman
Anna Moffo
The Notorious B.I.G.
Les Paul
Ayn Rand
Tony Randall
Joan Rivers
Bishop Fulton J. Sheen
Jean Stapleton
Igor Stravinsky
Ed Sullivan
Arturo Toscanini
Fred Trump
Rudolph Valentino
Luther Vandross
Mae West
Tennessee Williams
A$AP Yams