Home of The Glam Reaper Podcast/Blog looking at all aspects of life, love, loss, through the lens of funerals. SHOP MERCH https://the-glam-reaper.printify.me
Typically when someone in Ireland dies, the first thing a family does is to contact a local funeral director or undertaker. A funeral director’s job usually involves:
Collection of the deceased’s body;
Preparation of the deceased’s body;
Embalming the body;
Provision of a coffin and hearse;
Provision of transport for the family and guests;
The organization of, and payment for, the burial plot (if not already paid for);
Payment for the following disbursements: grave opening or cremation charges, church offerings, newspaper announcements (obituaries);
Organising flowers and sympathy cards as received.
In general, an invoice from a funeral director should be paid within 30 days. If the account goes into arrears, by Irish law the funds can be paid from the deceased’s estate. Funeral directors in Ireland are not under any legal obligation to display their prices, although members of the Irish Association of Funeral Directors (IAFD) are bound by their Code of Practice (see below) to do so.
The IAFD (www.iafd.ie) has almost 300 members across the island of Ireland, out of an estimated total of 600 operating funeral directors. The IAFD has a Code of Practice that its members must adhere to, which is in effect a Customer Care Charter. It includes a complaints procedure if a customer has an issue.
The IAFD’s Code of Practice requires a funeral director to agree to the following:
Serve their clients with competence and concern for the client’s best interests;
Discuss and agree their charges with the next-of-kin in advance, unless expressly asked not to do so;
Professionalism and quality of service in arranging and conducting the funeral;
Accurate advertising of prices and services;
Confidentiality.
The funeral industry in Ireland is one of the few worldwide where there are still no barriers to entry and no licensing or regulation. Yet these businesses are responsible for the burial or
started researching and consulting in the area of End of Life in March 2009, is a project of the Irish Hospice Foundation and its National Council and is chaired by Mrs. Justice Catherine McGuinness. The Forum is currently calling for government regulation of funeral and cremation services, including embalming, as they have reported that some funeral directors are issuing ambiguous invoices to families and particular providers are engaging in financial arrangements with hospital and hospice staff to ensure recommendation.
Between reports like this, media coverage and word-of-mouth, the industry has developed a reputation that is not altogether flattering. So, like every purchase you make, you should consider who your supplier is, their character, background, experience and previous testimonials before signing anything. See blog post 5 Things to Know Before You Visit a Funeral Director for more info!
So it finally happened, a dream come true, another bucket list item ticked off, a career milestone, a personal mountain conquered – I finally stood on a Ted stage and did a ‘Ted Talk’ and boy, did it not disappoint!
Anxious and stressed in the days leading up to it, I was frequently frustrated with people dismissing my worries with a typically Irish phrase for dealing with things “Sure you'll be grand, not a bother to ya” and an emphasis on my perceived confidence. I say perceived because apparently, I give off an impression that nothing fazes me and have an almost uber confident aura. Nothing could be further from the truth. Aside from the weeks of stressing that my speech wasn’t ever going to be good enough, my message not clear enough, 5 minutes wasn’t long enough, 5 minutes was too long, my attire too bright, my attire not bright enough, my topic too boring, my story not relevant or that ill probably fall on my ass while walking on stage, they were minor to the 24 hours leading up to the ‘talk’.
I was working from home, finalizing orders, new designs, writing and analyzing blogs, sending out press releases etc etc, all in a days work…, when I got a call asking me to come into Newstalk (Irish Radio Station) for a radio interview. ‘Brilliant’ I say and accept wholeheartedly, excited for the opportunity. I hang up and immediately think F@£K what did I do that for, that’s gonna raise the anxiety levels a few notches…NOT something I need the night before my talk. As I usually do, I think feck it, roll with it, go with the flow. Running out the door I decide I should use the bathroom really quick – nothing worse for your nerves than shaky legs! Stupidly forgetting my phone was in my back pocket, my lovely iPhone gets acquainted with the toilet bowl water and dies stone dead. JUST when I needed it most. No time to think, I run out the door to Newstalk, the interview goes well, I cry, Ivan(presenter) doesn’t and the show goes on – apparently, the Hard Shoulder should be called the Cold Shoulder (I love my fellow pet loving community!).
I arrive home to some seriously fabulous family news and I cry all over again, by now I am an emotional wreck! Sleep comes hard and fast that night thank god but I wake early next morning (D Day!) to messages from friends cancelling their spot in the Ted audience, which although understandable, sends me into another emotional downward spiral of feeling let down, not important enough, not good enough, all of which are untrue but still weighed me down. Then to add further woe, I slick on some facial moisturizer that I use every day and break out in huge red blotches all over my face. NOT a good look.
An antihistamine, a chat with mom and an old boss later and I'm standing in the dressing room doing final prep work for Ted. I slick on a bit of red lipstick, put on my grim reaper cloak and a quick blur later and I'm walking off stage to rapturous applause, a WOW from the compare and I'm buzzing with endorphins and YESSSSSS I did it vibe.
Like practically every bucket list item I have ticked off, part of the joy ride is the pre event tears, tantrums, and anxieties but after every single one – running a marathon, writing a published book, skydiving, moving countries the absolute buzz of having accomplished something I only dreamed possible and the wonderful feeling of having pushed myself to my (deemed) limits, I ALWAYS always feel so unbelieveably proud and can smile knowing that from this day forward, I did this and no one, not one person can ever take away the fact that I did it and as that old crooner would say, I certainly did it my way ;-)
ACTUAL footage of me talking Ted ;-)
Prepared transcript of speech->
My name is Jennifer and I am fascinated with funerals.
THROW OFF CLOAK
Not what you were expecting?
My nickname is the Glam Reaper, aptly named for my weird interest in the funeral business but unlike the idea of that grim reaper cloak I try to bring love and life to the death business.
Today I want to share with you a story that I have not typically shared when interviewed.
Rewind to 8 years ago. I had just come home from Cuba. Holiday of a lifetime.
To bad news.
She had had a stroke. Several actually.
Me and my family had a big decision to make.
A decision between life and death.
We brought her to the hospital clinging on for dear life.
She had a little bit of food stuck to her nose.
She was so innocent and vulnerable.
Once so full of life. She just lay there. limp.
me and mom hugged each other as we watched as the light leave her eyes. She never took her eyes from ours.
PAUSE
Now let me tell you that this lil lady was my best friend, she was my confidente, I could have told her anything and she would have wagged her tail, licked my wounds and encouraged me to go for a walk!! Yes folks I have been talking about my dog
Does your perception of the story change?
Do you have any less sympathy for me?
Some of you probably even said “Oh for god sake its just a dog!!’
And I get it. But FOR ME. At that time. she was my whole world.
We'd been through childhood, the terrible teenage years when you feel the whole world is against you right through to adulthood.
Zero judgement, unconditional love every single day.
In interviews I have always been careful not to compare the loss of a dog to the loss of a human for fear of judgement.
So I buried my grief. And I'm not alone.
I've recently talked to a number of people who also experienced grief judgement.
People who lost uncles that were like dads.
Cousins who were like brothers.
All felt uncomfortable in their grief for fear of judgement.
Grief is uncomfortable enough without the added weight of protecting ourselves from judgment. From friends. From family. From colleagues. From strangers.
Loss is LOSS
Who are we to judge ANYONE who is grieving.
We all grieve differently. A set of twins who lose their mother will grieve completely differently.
Grief is as unique as our heart beat, our DNA, our fingerprint.
Who are you to judge?
If I lose my mother and you lose your mother, will we grieve the same?
No way my moms the best and because I love my mom more than you!!
What??
I am not you, I don’t know what your grief is to you.
What it feels like every day.
To wake up with it in the morning. Fall asleep with it that night.
There should be no judgment, no men don’t cry, no time limit on it.
Its YOUR grief.
PAUSE
Do you like my necklace? You probably can't see it right now but
This beautiful necklace around my neck contains the ashes of that beloved dog Roxy.
I bet your judging me now! Crack pot!
I created this jewellery with that ‘lack of judgement’ in mind after my granny died.
She had given me a miraculous medal as most Irish grannies did to keep me whole and keep me pure ;-)
When she died I wore it as a way to remember her but of course I was young and trying to fit in.
Suddenly I was a ‘holy joe’ or the ‘virgin mary’.
So much so I took it off.
I specifically designed these pieces NOT to broadcast what they are, they don’t scream HEY I HAVE SOMEONES ASHES AROUND MY NECK!
Because grieving is personal and if I want to share I will and If I don’t I wont.
I don’t need your judgment.
There is no blue print for grief, I have yet to meet two people who have grieved the same.
So tonight, today, tomorrow, next week, lets go easy on each other, and lets simply STOP judging each other.
Developments in technology have introduced new methods of
disposing of bodies, including ecolation (combination of heat, cold and thermal pressures), resomation (where bodies are dissolved into an
alkaline hydrolysis liquid) and promession (a process that freeze-dries bodies
in nitrogen). Currently, the most common ways to dispose of a body in
Ireland are burial and cremation (earth versus fire).
The funeral service for a burial or cremation is not vastly different.
Following a service in a local church or other venue, one takes the body and
the mourners to a burial ground, the other takes them to a crematorium. A
further short service of last prayers, words or music can be held in either of
these places.
Burial
Burial grounds (also known as cemeteries or graveyards) in Ireland
typically are the responsibility of local authorities, although there are a
number of privately-owned cemeteries as well.
Each of the burial grounds usually has a registrar or caretaker,
who manages maintenance and the sale of plots in that site. Some graveyards
forbid the purchase of a plot until a death has occurred and there is a ‘need’
for the plot. The reason for this is that they are running out of space!
You can re-open a grave to bury a member of the same family,
but a space of at least one foot (30cm) above the previous burial must be left
so the deeper the first body is buried, the better. It is possible to bury
three or four people in
each grave plot.
The cost of buying a burial plot varies hugely. In rural Ireland,
a burial plot could cost as little as €200 while in Dublin it could cost
as much as €3,500. This cost does not include grave opening fees, which
can add another €1,000 to the bill in some cemeteries. Burying someone and
erecting a headstone or grave marker can provide a family with peace because
they have somewhere physical to visit where they can feel close to the deceased.
This is one of the reasons a lot of people opt for burial instead of cremation.
Cremation
Cremation is becoming more popular in Ireland and is
predicted to become even more so. It is often seen as a cheaper option, because
a family does not have to pay for a plot of land on which to bury a body nor do
they have to pay to have the grave opened. And cremation costs currently average
about €600.
There are currently 6 crematoria in the Island of Ireland, three of
which are located in Dublin, one in Cavan, one in Belfast and the other in Cork. However, anyone anywhere in Ireland can arrange for a cremation
to take place in any of these crematoria. (more info here)
Note that a time slot of 30 minutes is given when booking a
crematorium, so if you require a longer time – perhaps to hold a funeral service
at the crematorium, ask for a double slot.
Remember to alert the funeral director of any pacemakers, breast
implants, artificial plates or joints that the deceased may have. Most metals
pass through the process without any difficulty but it is always better to
communicate all the available information you have. At the end of the service
in the crematorium, the coffin holding the body is moved into the committal
room. Despite rumours, only one coffin is cremated at a time – although, if for
example a mother and baby, or wife and husband, died together, they can be
cremated together also.
The MUST visit Bars in Ireland according to dailyedge.ie BUT in 2013 and while I agree and disagree with names on this list, I want YOUR opinion - have you been to Ireland, where did you rate or not?? Would love to know!
