Shane MacGowan's Funeral - A Fairytale of New York

"Fairytale of New York" is a song written by and recorded by London-based band the Pogues, featuring singer-songwriter Kirsty MacColl on vocals. 

If you don’t know the song, it is an Irish folk-style ballad and was written as a duet, with the Pogues' singer Shane MacGowan taking the role of the male character and Kirsty MacColl playing the female character. 

It was originally released as a single on 23 November 1987 and later featured on the Pogues' 1988 album 'If I Should Fall from Grace with God'. It is frequently cited as the best Christmas song of all time in various television, radio, and magazine-related polls.

A reading from the songbook of Shane MacGowan:

It was Christmas Eve, babe, in the drunk tank

An old man said to me, “Won’t see another one”

And then he sang a song: “The Rare Old Mountain Dew”

I turned my face away and dreamed about you

Sadly this year we lost Shane MacGowan, an incredible and poignant soulful Irish singer. MacGowan would have turned 66 on Christmas Day. Both singers of the song Kirsty and Shane have now passed. 

Much like the haunting melodies and poignant lyrics of "Fairytale of New York," grief can evoke a myriad of emotions—sadness, nostalgia, anger, and even a touch of bittersweet humor.

The song's melodic verses capture the essence of this emotional journey—a tale of shattered dreams, dashed hopes, and the yearning for something more. Just as the characters in the song grapple with their past and present, we too navigate the intricate pathways of grief. We remember moments of joy and love, only to be reminded of their absence.  It's in these moments of raw vulnerability that we learn the true strength of the human spirit. The song's poignant narrative resonates, depicting the struggle to find solace and hope in the midst of despair. Yet, within the depths of sorrow, there's a profound beauty—a beauty that arises from the memories shared and the love that transcends time. 

Shane's funeral took place in his home place of Nenagh, Co Tipperary with Father Pat Gilbert, the local priest overseeing the service and it was filled with incredible readings, prayers and music that filled the church of St. Mary of the Rosary. 

(It is, and was, an incredible testament to how the Irish 'do' funerals. People dancing in the aisles, laughing, crying and memorializing. We at Muldowney Memorials try to bring that Irish spirit of celebrating a life while mourning a loss into every service that we do. It was lovely to see our dear friends Green Graveyard/Green Coffins on display too showcasing Irish artisans) Shane's funeral epitomized this equal life celebration and mourning of the incredible musician and man that he was.)

Infamous actor Johnny Depp read the first Prayer of the Faithful (see below). There were readings from incredible “Game of Thrones” Irish actor Aiden Gillen and former Irish Political leader (Sinn Féin) Gerry Adams. 

“We pray for a deeper spirit of compassion in the world....May we feel the pain of others, understand their need and reach out to all who suffer in any way with a continuous love that is rooted in faith and peace. Lord, hear us.” ~ Johnny Depp - Prayer of the Faithful

Spoken words were interspersed with beautiful renditions of Shane MacGowan’s music including:

• Nick Cave performed “A Rainy Night in Soho” accompanied by Colm Mac Con Iomaire on the fiddle and Glen Hansard on guitar. 
• MacGowan’s former bandmate, Cáit O’Riordan, sang The Pogues’s traditional song ‘A Man You Don’t Meet Everyday’ alongside Irish folk musician, John Francis Flynn. 
• Glen Hansard and Lisa O'Neill sang “Fairytale of New York.” (see below video)
• Irish singers Mundy and Camille O'Sullivan sang "Haunted" - a duet that MacGowan recorded with the late Sinead O'Connor who also died earlier this year. Mundy described his performance at the Mass as "a moment I'll never forget"
• Four of the surviving Pogues - Jem Finer, Terry Woods, Spider Stacy, and James Fearnley, performed the Funeral Service finale “The Parting Glass.” (see below video)
• The funeral procession that began that morning in Dublin and ended at the church paused at one point as the infamous Artane Band, (a marching band of young musicians) played an instrumental “Fairytale of New York,” while the local Irish crowd sang along. Along the route, other impromptu musicians performed “Dirty Old Town,” which was first recorded by an English folk singer called Ewan MacColl but later made famous by Shane's band The Pogues and others played The Pogues “A Pair of Brown Eyes.”

Coffin/Casket was by our dear friends Green Coffins Ireland

Also as part of the funeral service, Shane MacGowan’s wife, Victoria May Clarke, presented some tokens/symbols in an offering which included:

• His Crock of Gold book 
• A Buddha
• Book of James Joyce’s Finnegans Wake
• A Led Zeppelin album
• His wedding photo with Victoria
• And a tray that Pogues member Spider Stacy would sometimes “bash over Shane’s head” 

She said:

“so many beautiful people are pouring their hearts and souls into making it magnificent and magical and memorable for him and for us who are left behind.”

It's a reminder that even in the darkest of times, there's a glimmer of light, 

a hope that sustains us through the storm.

Fairytale of New York

As we listen to the verses of "Fairytale of New York," let us acknowledge that grief is not a linear journey. It's an unpredictable dance between heartache and healing. Just like the song's lyrics paint a vivid picture of life's struggles, grief, too, paints a canvas of emotions that make us human.

May the song's melody serve as a reminder that amidst the pain, there's a harmony waiting to be heard—a melody of love, resilience, and the enduring spirit that helps us navigate the intricate notes of grief. 

Let us cherish the memories, honor the past, and find solace in the love that remains.

Parting Glass

“Shane’s veins ran with Irish blood,” Shane's sister Siobhan said. 

“Shane, you did what you dreamed, You did what you said were going to do in those long ago days in Tipperary, and you did it with such heart and fire – a fire that is not dimmed by death.”

Best and Worst Things to Say to people in grief

Recently Oprah posted an article about dealing with people who are grieving. Here at The Glam Reaper (And Muldowney Memorials) we understand grieving to be loss of any kind - watch my TedTalk to hear my view directly. 

Loss can be the loss of a job, a partner (death/divorce), a child (death/divorce/emancipation/distance/kidnapping), a pet (death/stolen/divorce), an object that was stolen or a home that was ransacked or just simply sold. It can be a myriad of things and more so we need to be gentle with each other and with ourselves on how we deal with others who are grieving. 

Grief specialist /counselor and author David Kessler  says 

“the most visited page (on his website grief.com) is the ‘Best and Worst Things to Say’ to people in grief, and it is most visited in the middle of the night….This tells me that people are up, trying to figure out the right words.”

Here are *some of the tips that are provided in the Oprah Daily article: 

*altered slightly, as we dont agree 100% with everything suggested in the article

• Don’t avoid the topic.
•  They haven’t forgotten the loss, they never will. Avoidance doesn’t help, it just ignores the elephant in the room. If it's a person or a pet - use their name. Recall memories naturally. The love is still there, that doesn't go away.
• Don’t “bright side” the situation. 
• I confess that sometimes I have to stop myself from being a ‘positive polly’ with friends because, like most of us when a friend is in pain, we just want to make them feel better. This can have a time and a place and there is no harm in asking when in doubt. Listening is the best tool you can be armed with as a friend, and if you listen well, you'll hear the right moment (if one comes) to help them focus on the future or the best.
• Offer tangible support
• "I can bring your dinners on these days, is that helpful?"
• "Let me walk your other dogs/feed your other pets for you next week"
• "Can I bring you to the courthouse/cemetery one of the days this week?"
• When you go blank, just be honest. 
• “I just don’t know what to say”
• "I have no clue what this pain must be like but tell me, if you want. I'm here to just sit with you"
• "I wish I had some words that would help"

• Say nothing, just BE with the person. Physical contact can also help when permitted.

  
  

  
  

  None of this is easy or is there a perfect way to go about it. It's rough no matter what information you are armed with. There is a lot on Kesslers website I personally disagree with and he is a 'specialist' so all that tells me is reaffirming that GRIEF IS UNIQUE and completely personal and individualized. There is no right or wrong way but merely helpful information and knowledge we can arm ourselves with to help BE there for our loved ones who are going through it.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

5 Reasons to consider Preplanning your own Funeral

While planning one's own funeral may not be the most comfortable thing to think about, it can be an important and helpful task to undertake. Here are some reasons why people may choose to plan their own funeral:

1. Relieve Burden on Loved Ones: By planning their own funeral, individuals can relieve their loved ones of the emotional and financial burden of planning a funeral during a difficult time.
2. Ensure Wishes are Respected: Planning one's own funeral ensures that the individual's wishes are respected and carried out. This can include preferences for the type of service, burial or cremation, music, readings, and more.  You can decide on the type of service you want, where you want to be buried, and any other details that are important to you. This can bring peace of mind to both you and your family.
3. Control Costs: Funeral costs can add up quickly, and planning in advance can help individuals and their families make decisions that fit within their budget. Pre-planning helps with financial planning. You can decide on a budget, choose a funeral home, and pay for services in advance. This can help prevent financial strain on your loved ones.
4. Personalize the Service: Planning your funeral allows you to personalize the service to reflect your personality, values, and beliefs and allows you to add your personal touch to the event. This can help loved ones celebrate their life in a meaningful way. You can choose the music, the readings, the flowers, and any other details that reflect your personality and preferences.
5. Peace of Mind: Knowing that one's funeral is planned and taken care of can provide peace of mind and a sense of control during a difficult time.

Overall, planning your own funeral can be a thoughtful and considerate act for your loved ones. It can provide peace of mind and ensure that your final wishes are fulfilled.

As memorial experts at Muldowney Memorials, we highly recommend taking the time to consider your final wishes and making arrangements accordingly.

8 creative ideas for Memorial Planning

Planning a memorial is an important way to honor and remember a loved one who has passed away. Here are some creative ideas for memorial planning:

1. Plant a memorial garden: A garden filled with your loved one's favorite flowers, plants or trees is a beautiful way to remember them. You could also add a memorial plaque, statue or fountain to the garden.
2. Create a memory box: A memory box filled with mementos, photographs, and keepsakes of your loved one can be a touching way to preserve their memory.
3. Organize a charity event: Organizing a charity event in your loved one's name can be a great way to celebrate their life and give back to a cause that they cared about.
4. Commission an art piece: Commissioning an art piece that reflects your loved one's personality, interests or life story can be a unique way to memorialize them.
5. Host a candlelight vigil: A candlelight vigil can be a touching way to gather family and friends to share memories and celebrate the life of your loved one.
6. Create a video tribute: Creating a video tribute that combines photos, videos, music and memories of your loved one can be a moving way to honor their memory and share it with others.
7. Build a memorial bench or monument: A bench or monument placed in a meaningful location can be a lasting tribute to your loved one.
8. Dedicate a room or space: If your loved one had a special room or space they loved, you could dedicate it to their memory and fill it with their favorite items and photographs.

Remember, there is no right or wrong way to memorialize someone. The important thing is to choose a way that feels meaningful and reflects the life of your loved one.

Ted dream come true

Officially a Talker of Ted!

So it finally happened, a dream come true, another bucket list item ticked off, a career milestone, a personal mountain conquered – I finally stood on a Ted stage and did a ‘Ted Talk’ and boy, did it not disappoint!

Anxious and stressed in the days leading up to it, I was frequently frustrated with people dismissing my worries with a typically Irish phrase for dealing with things “Sure you'll be grand, not a bother to ya” and an emphasis on my perceived confidence. I say perceived because apparently, I give off an impression that nothing fazes me and have an almost uber confident aura. Nothing could be further from the truth. Aside from the weeks of stressing that my speech wasn’t ever going to be good enough, my message not clear enough, 5 minutes wasn’t long enough, 5 minutes was too long, my attire too bright, my attire not bright enough, my topic too boring, my story not relevant or that ill probably fall on my ass while walking on stage, they were minor to the 24 hours leading up to the ‘talk’.

I was working from home, finalizing orders, new designs, writing and analyzing blogs, sending out press releases etc etc, all in a days work…, when I got a call asking me to come into Newstalk (Irish Radio Station) for a radio interview. ‘Brilliant’ I say and accept wholeheartedly, excited for the opportunity. I hang up and immediately think F@£K what did I do that for, that’s gonna raise the anxiety levels a few notches…NOT something I need the night before my talk. As I usually do, I think feck it, roll with it, go with the flow. Running out the door I decide I should use the bathroom really quick – nothing worse for your nerves than shaky legs! Stupidly forgetting my phone was in my back pocket, my lovely iPhone gets acquainted with the toilet bowl water and dies stone dead. JUST when I needed it most. No time to think, I run out the door to Newstalk, the interview goes well, I cry, Ivan(presenter) doesn’t and the show goes on – apparently, the Hard Shoulder should be called the Cold Shoulder (I love my fellow pet loving community!).

I arrive home to some seriously fabulous family news and I cry all over again, by now I am an emotional wreck! Sleep comes hard and fast that night thank god but I wake early next morning (D Day!) to messages from friends cancelling their spot in the Ted audience, which although understandable, sends me into another emotional downward spiral of feeling let down, not important enough, not good enough, all of which are untrue but still weighed me down. Then to add further woe, I slick on some facial moisturizer that I use every day and break out in huge red blotches all over my face. NOT a good look.

An antihistamine, a chat with mom and an old boss later and I'm standing in the dressing room doing final prep work for Ted. I slick on a bit of red lipstick, put on my grim reaper cloak and a quick blur later and I'm walking off stage to rapturous applause, a WOW from the compare and I'm buzzing with endorphins and YESSSSSS I did it vibe.

Like practically every bucket list item I have ticked off, part of the joy ride is the pre event tears, tantrums, and anxieties but after every single one – running a marathon, writing a published book, skydiving, moving countries the absolute buzz of having accomplished something I only dreamed possible and the wonderful feeling of having pushed myself to my (deemed) limits, I ALWAYS always feel so unbelieveably proud and can smile knowing that from this day forward, I did this and no one, not one person can ever take away the fact that I did it and as that old crooner would say, I certainly did it my way ;-)

ACTUAL footage of me talking Ted ;-)

Prepared transcript of speech->

My name is Jennifer and I am fascinated with funerals.

THROW OFF CLOAK

Not what you were expecting?

My nickname is the Glam Reaper, aptly named for my weird interest in the funeral business but unlike the idea of that grim reaper cloak I try to bring love and life to the death business.

Today I want to share with you a story that I have not typically shared when interviewed.

Rewind to 8 years ago. I had just come home from Cuba. Holiday of a lifetime.

To bad news.

She had had a stroke. Several actually.

Me and my family had a big decision to make.

A decision between life and death.

We brought her to the hospital clinging on for dear life.

She had a little bit of food stuck to her nose.

She was so innocent and vulnerable.

Once so full of life. She just lay there. limp.

me and mom hugged each other as we watched as the light leave her eyes. She never took her eyes from ours.

PAUSE

Now let me tell you that this lil lady was my best friend, she was my confidente, I could have told her anything and she would have wagged her tail, licked my wounds and encouraged me to go for a walk!! Yes folks I have been talking about my dog

Does your perception of the story change?

Do you have any less sympathy for me?

Some of you probably even said “Oh for god sake its just a dog!!’

And I get it. But FOR ME. At that time. she was my whole world.

We'd been through childhood, the terrible teenage years when you feel the whole world is against you right through to adulthood.

Zero judgement, unconditional love every single day.

In interviews I have always been careful not to compare the loss of a dog to the loss of a human for fear of judgement.

So I buried my grief. And I'm not alone.

I've recently talked to a number of people who also experienced grief judgement.

People who lost uncles that were like dads.

Cousins who were like brothers.

All felt uncomfortable in their grief for fear of judgement.

Grief is uncomfortable enough without the added weight of protecting ourselves from judgment. From friends. From family. From colleagues. From strangers.

Loss is LOSS

Who are we to judge ANYONE who is grieving.

We all grieve differently. A set of twins who lose their mother will grieve completely differently.

Grief is as unique as our heart beat, our DNA, our fingerprint.

Who are you to judge?

If I lose my mother and you lose your mother, will we grieve the same?

No way my moms the best and because I love my mom more than you!!

What??

I am not you, I don’t know what your grief is to you.

What it feels like every day.

To wake up with it in the morning. Fall asleep with it that night.

There should be no judgment, no men don’t cry, no time limit on it.

Its YOUR grief.

PAUSE

Do you like my necklace? You probably can't see it right now but

This beautiful necklace around my neck contains the ashes of that beloved dog Roxy.

I bet your judging me now! Crack pot!

I created this jewellery with that ‘lack of judgement’ in mind after my granny died.

She had given me a miraculous medal as most Irish grannies did to keep me whole and keep me pure ;-)

When she died I wore it as a way to remember her but of course I was young and trying to fit in.

Suddenly I was a ‘holy joe’ or the ‘virgin mary’.

So much so I took it off.

I specifically designed these pieces NOT to broadcast what they are, they don’t scream HEY I HAVE SOMEONES ASHES AROUND MY NECK!

Because grieving is personal and if I want to share I will and If I don’t I wont.

I don’t need your judgment.

There is no blue print for grief, I have yet to meet two people who have grieved the same.

So tonight, today, tomorrow, next week, lets go easy on each other, and lets simply STOP judging each other.

Funeral Trade Exhibition Mullingar

 

I was at the Funeral Trade Show in Mullingar last week and apart from my car breaking down en route (and thank you to that fabulous gentleman from Cork who helped me!) it was a fairly average experience. The funeral industry in Ireland definitely needs a shake up. The most exciting things was the hearse trailer pictured above and the fabulous ladies from Mourning Cross. I will fill you in on what they do a little later in the blog when I have more time. Other than that, there was not much happening. What should be in a Trade Show for the funeral industry? Well having been to many a trade show before in different industries there definitely is more pep that can be brought to the table in my opinion.