Online Legacy Part 2/3 - Death on Twitter and LinkedIn

In a study, published in the journal Nature Human Behaviour, data from more than 15,000 social media networks of people who died were examined during a 4 year period. They examined how people interacted on those networks both before and after a death. The result was that people are indeed now grieving ONLINE and use online channels to stay connected to networks of the deceased. Online death needs to be addressed, both in terms of our legacies left online, how we grieve online and how people can be negatively affected by online trolling during times of grief.



Gmail (Google email) and Hotmail allow the email accounts of the deceased to be accessed by the next-of-kin, if certain documents are provided and requirements are met, however, they make no guarantees. Yahoo! Mail (and thus Flickr) will not provide access, citing the ‘No Right of Survivorship and Non-Transferability’ clause in their terms of service.

For a Gmail account, if you are preplanning, their Inactive Account Manager is the best way to manage who should have access to your information and whether you want your account to be deleted.  Inactive Account Manager is a way for users to share parts of their account data or notify someone if they’ve been inactive for a certain period of time. More info here

In the event of someone’s death, Twitter will work with the next-of-kin or executor of the deceased's estate to have an account deactivated. When requesting removal of a deceased user’s account you will be asked to provide the following:

• Deceased’s Twitter account username and the account owner
• Your relationship with the user (next-of-kin/executor of the deceased's estate)
• Your full name and email address
• a copy of your ID
• copy of the deceased’s death certificate

They will NOT give account access to anyone regardless of their relationship to the user. Requests on the removal of images or video of deceased individuals can also be made and will be assessed on case by case basis. More info here

Unlike Facebook, LinkedIn does not have a thorough “death policy” but maintains a simple guide if you come across the profile of a deceased person and have:

• Your relationship to the deceased
• Their Name and URL to their LinkedIn profile
• Their email address
• The date they died and a link to their obituary
• The company they were most recently working for

The only option on LinkedIn is account deletion. See more here

Are you living or visiting San Fran in April??

Death—a truly universal topic—is the focus of more than 100 unique events happening in every corner of San Francisco this April (which is tomorrow!)

Reimagine, a nonprofit inspired by OpenIDEO's End of Life Challenge has partnered with the City of San Francisco via the Department of Aging and Adult Services and the

Palliative Care Work Group to present Reimagine End of Life, a full week of exploring

big questions about life and death through creativity and conversation. 

From April 16 to 22, more than 100 collaborators will produce experiences, workshops, and

performances designed to spark public discussion and connection. Details and tickets

are available at www.letsreimagine.org/san-francisco or by calling (415) 329-6911.

“Reimagine convenes public conversations that transform our approach to life.
Everyone, irrespective of culture and background, is encouraged to reflect on why we’re
here, prepare for a time when we won’t be, and design what it means for us to live fully
right up until the end,” said Brad Wolfe, founder and executive director of Reimagine.
“More than 2,500 people attended 30 events during our first Reimagine week in 2016,
so we are expecting 7,000 this year. We want to connect the entire community with
life’s universal truth.”

Drawing on the arts, spirituality, healthcare, and design, Reimagine End of Life is
intended to break down taboos and bring diverse communities together in wonder,
preparation and remembrance. Events will be hosted throughout the week by a wide
variety of local organizations and individuals, from physicians performing personal
stories of their own experiences with death to music and comedy shows about mortality,
to a remembrance ceremony for the environment on the eve of Earth Day.

During the weekend prior to Reimagine End of Life, spiritual leaders across San
Francisco will participate in a “Conversation Sabbath,” speaking to their congregations
about death and encouraging involvement in Reimagine week events, especially the
numerous Advance Care Planning Workshops. More than 25 churches, community
organizations and libraries will host these free workshops to help residents plan their
end-of-life care and complete healthcare directives.

'Let the pink fluff and sparkles break through’

"But they say that all things happen for a reason. I don’t want to go looking over my shoulder or waving my fist in anger. That was never my style. But the truth of the matter is this: I would never have wanted to go, there would never have been enough time so I am trying to be gracious about it.

I know it is practically illegal to champion all things pink in this all bustling world where being girlie can be mistaken for being stupid. But I would like to be remembered as somebody who believes that fairies live at the bottom of the garden, that unicorns exist but they are simply shy and that angels flutter on all of our shoulders.

There is enough gray in the world already. Let the pink fluff and sparkles breakthrough. There’s enough sadness, suffering, and strife. Let the laughter be heard.

Farewell. Look after each other. Be kind. Be happy. Be grateful. And most of all, be yourself.

Life is short. It is so very, very precious and it’s not a dress rehearsal. So enjoy; eat chocolate, drink strong coffee, have a fabulous glass of wine and buy those clothes; walk in those high heels and let the world know that you are here to work hard and to play even harder."

These were the final words of Irish Author Emma Hannigan. These were the words she wanted to tell the world herself but she knew she would not be around to say them as they were to be spoken at her funeral.

I posted these words across all of my social media channels when she passed away a few weeks ago. A tragic and too soon end to such a vibrant soul. I didn't know Emma but in her final words, I feel like she knew me, or my soul at least. These are words to live by. No wonder she was such a wonderful author. Rest in sparkles Emma, wherever you are. x

Interview Clive Anderson

Clive Anderson has been living in the US for the last 14 years. He is an Irish native from Co Cork who now lives and works just 25 minutes from Times Square in New York City.

He is the owner of Pelham Funeral Home and has been a funeral director and embalmer for over fifteen years. He wasn’t born into the business as many funeral directors are but rather Clive feels as though he was ‘called’ into the service. The moment occuring when Clive lost his father to cancer. His experience of the funeral profession stimulated his desire to help others.

He got his experience in Ireland, initially with Jeremiah O’ Connor & Sons Funeral Home in Co. Cork before immigrating to the United States to get formal training in the funeral profession and working as a funeral service consultant for Matthews International.

Clive believes the Irish deal with death very well, as he said “the whole community stops, Irish Weddings are optional, Funerals are compulsory”. He thinks the American funeral industry has gotten quite commercial and has “forgotten the old ways” of respecting the body. He mentioned the animal kingdom and how animals grieve a loss and that it is a part of the process we should all embrace. He believes spending time with and looking after the body is both respectful of a life lived and a natural part of the grieving process.

Notable funerals that he has had the opportunity to plan included a thrice Powerball (similar to the Lotto) winner and an old Irish man who was homeless and passed away on the streets. He strives to make each funeral unique and special and include as many personal touches to the service as possible and this can include photos of the deceased placed all around the funeral home, their favorite music playing, smells filling the rooms, flags flying and a guest book for all who arrive to sign.



The recipient of several awards, Clive has been recognized by Irish Newspaper, The Irish Echo “40 under 40” for his contributions to the Irish community in the US and was also an aide to the Grand-Marshal of the Irish Business Organization on St Patrick’s Day In NYC. He was honored by the Irish Aisling Center in New York in September 2017.

Online Legacy Part 1/3 - Death on Facebook

Gone are the days that the attic stored thousands of photos and letters and memories. These are all online now in email accounts, on Facebook, Instagram and elsewhere. People now can live beyond death online as a digital persona. However, much that was appropriate while a person was alive may be less so after their death. These photos, videos, tweets, blogs and emails are digital or online assets that may have significant value for family and friends of the deceased. In addition, most social media platforms, with the presentation of accurate documentation, will de-activate the deceased’s account.

For example, on Facebook, you can permanently remove a loved one’s account after their death through a form called ‘Special Request for Deceased Person's Account’, completely removing their profile and all associated content from Facebook, so no one can view it. The next-of-kin or executor of the deceased's estate needs to send a copy of a death certificate along with the deceased’s account details, and the account will then be investigated and removed by Facebook.  OR if you are prepared for your own demise and wish to delete your profile from Facebook upon your death, simply do the following:

• Go to Settings in your Facebook profile page
• From the left menu, click General
• Click Manage Account
• Click Request account deletion and follow the on-screen instructions”

Alternatively, you can alert Facebook to the fact that someone has passed away via a ‘Memorialization Request’ and their profile will be frozen to act as a memorial page where their friends and family can leave wishes, thoughts and memories. When pages are memorialized, they are removed from sidebars, timelines, friend suggestions and searches and the privacy of the account tightens, with only friends from the ‘pre-death’ account able to view the page and “Remembering” is added to their name on their profile page. You can also nominate a Legacy Contact which is a person chosen to look after your account after it has become a memorial page. The legacy contact can respond to friend requests, change the profile and cover photo, as well as request removal or the account. They canNOT log into your actual account, read your messages, or change or remove posts, photos or other things you have shared in the past.  More info here

Arlington - USA's National Cemetery

Arlington National Cemetery is considered the United States of America's most hallowed ground. It is the final resting place for more than 400,000 active military, veterans and their families and it is a sight to behold. For as far as the eye can see, there are grave markers. I couldn't take a photo that did this sight justice. To be there is to experience it fully.

A fully operational national cemetery since May 1864, Arlington conducts between 27 and 30 funeral services each day. It is a unique cemetery in that it is one of the few cemeteries that performs graveside burials with full military honors.

Whichever branch of service the deceased posted with, provide the military honors for the service and the level of military honors received depends on the rank of the deceased. There is one stipulation, ALL service members who die from wounds received as a result of active war duty are eligible to receive full military honors. There is also a group of volunteers called 'The Arlington Ladies' who attend funeral services at the Cemetery to ensure that no Soldier, Sailor, Airman or Coast Guardsman is buried alone.

Funeral Etiquette - mostly Irish!

Although etiquette is now considered ‘old-fashioned’ in many quarters, here are some guidelines to respectful modern-day etiquette for a funeral.

Consider not:

• Allowing toddlers to run around with no parental supervision;
• Answering your mobile phone during any part of the funeral service;
• Pointing out to the next-of-kin which of the deceased’s possessions you would like to have;
• ‘Whispering’ loudly about the deceased during a quiet time of reflection or thought;
• Inquiring about the will and ‘who got what’
• Getting into a road rage when a funeral procession (hearse and accompanying cars) is passing.

Do consider: 

• Offering help or assistance – but be specific: “I will call you tomorrow” or “I will make your dinners for this week”, etc; 
• Paying your respects to all of the family members – they may be wearing a black cross or circle bereavement pins to identify them as grieving (www.mourningcross.com); 
• Remembering the deceased and talking about them; 
• Going to both the removal/wake (if there is one) and/or the funeral service to pay your respects; 
• Calling into the next-of-kin to check up on them in the weeks and months after the funeral; 
• Sitting up near the front of the funeral home/church or other venue where the service will be held. This shows added support for the next-of-kin, close friends and family and most people avoid this area thinking there are more 'important' people coming. Trust me, you will know if you are sitting in someone's seat but more often than not, the immediate family are left isolated at the top of the church/venue.
• Your funeral attire: Were you asked to wear a specific colour or outfit for a themed service? If not, modest clothing in muted colours is always a safe bet to avoid offense or disrespect, and if in doubt, ask someone else who will be in attendance and is close to the immediate friends and family; 
• Doing what you feel comfortable with. Your relationship was with the deceased or their next of kin so in your heart of hearts/gut you KNOW what is approprite to respect their memory. Do it.
• You will know what boundaries there are and, if in doubt, ask. A person grieving is STILL a person.