Arlington - USA's National Cemetery

Arlington National Cemetery is considered the United States of America's most hallowed ground. It is the final resting place for more than 400,000 active military, veterans and their families and it is a sight to behold. For as far as the eye can see, there are grave markers. I couldn't take a photo that did this sight justice. To be there is to experience it fully.

A fully operational national cemetery since May 1864, Arlington conducts between 27 and 30 funeral services each day. It is a unique cemetery in that it is one of the few cemeteries that performs graveside burials with full military honors.

Whichever branch of service the deceased posted with, provide the military honors for the service and the level of military honors received depends on the rank of the deceased. There is one stipulation, ALL service members who die from wounds received as a result of active war duty are eligible to receive full military honors. There is also a group of volunteers called 'The Arlington Ladies' who attend funeral services at the Cemetery to ensure that no Soldier, Sailor, Airman or Coast Guardsman is buried alone.

Family and Friends - THAT is what the holiday season is all about.

Christmas is coming and of all the feasts throughout the year the celebration of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day seem to be the most popular of all. There are more traditions and customs associated with Christmas in all Christian countries than with any other feast. I love Christmas time, it’s family time, it’s home time.

A few years ago my family and I decided to stop exchanging gifts and focus on the real gift of time, time spent with each other. The first year, it felt a little odd, but as the years rolled by, it became the norm for us and now I love it and would not have it any other way.

Having spent many years in America and enjoying Thanksgiving, it soon became one of my favorite holidays. Why? Because it was so similar to my experience of Christmas but without the pressure of gift buying. Yes, both Thanksgiving and Christmas have become commercial commodities that the stores use to guilt trip us. But what if we could fight off the advertising awareness, the pressure to spend more than the next person on a present and find the time to really, truly enjoy the moment, the season, the holiday with our loved ones, wouldn’t we be more loved and loving? Isn’t that what these dates are truly about?

With increasing awareness of suicide, poor mental health and depression in Ireland today we should be focussing on what is important in life. Family and friends are two of the most important parts of life and for me, Christmas is a time to really bring that to the fore. Whatever business you are in, we should be encouraging all our customers to share this message of love and warmth, family and friends and reaching out to those who we know don’t have the luxury of either.

The Ideal Death Show

Ideal Death Show and Good Funeral Awards 2015

So this weekend took me to London. A little outside of london is a quaint little English village called Winchester and for one day it becomes the hub of death in the UK. The Ideal Death Show, in its second consecutive year, brought fun, facts and deathly frolics.

Their approach to death seems to be quite tongue in cheek but factual which is nice and the village seem to embrace it.

First on my agenda was a public shrouding of  a live body. I’ve got to say I did not expect to get as emotional as I did when watching it but it seemd like such a beautiful personal final act for someone you love. I have often thought that coffins seem too impersonal – cold, detached and lonely. The shroud looked warm, comfortable and protective. The personal act of wrapping your loved one just seemed like you were caring for them like you would a newborn baby.

The fact that it is friendly for the environment and compatible with both burial and cremation was appealing also.

My disappointment of the show was the size of the exhibition. I expected a lot bigger. It was tiny and everyone looked a bit squished on top of each other. This made it difficult to collect your thoughts from one stand to another. There was the usual exhibiits and some unusual ones like a Viking Wicker Ship maker.

Facebook Legacy Settings

Social media is everywhere these days and it even stays with us in death. We can create memorial pages for loved ones, document their lives via video and photo and now as of February 12th Facebook have followed Google and announced a new policy – Legacy Pages.

Previously, if a person died without someone else knowing their password, there was no way to make any changes. The most awkward of this was the daily reminders to ‘friends’ of birthdays, friend suggestions etc even though the person would never accept the friend request or see the brithday message as they wre deceased. The only way to delete the account was to know the passowrd or show a death certificate and practivally fight with Facebook to close the account.

Now, however, while you are still alive, you name someone else you know on Facebook to be your legacy contact. That person can make changes to memorialize your account. 

This includes:

• Writing a new post/status to show at the top of the memorialized Timeline – maybe some information about a memorial or service.

• Respond to new friend requests from family and friends who were not yet connected on Facebook .

• Updating the profile picture and cover photo (sometimes this is needed where the updated photo is a bit more approriate).

So how can you use this new ‘Legacy’ Setting’?

Open your Facebook SETTINGS tab, choose SECURITY and then LEGACY CONTACT at the bottom of the page. After choosing your legacy contact, you’ll have the option to send a message to that person letting them know what you’ve done.

You're free Genie (Robin Williams)

“You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” 

Robin Williams, 1951 – 2014

You may remember him from movies/TV:

• Mork & Mindy (1978–1982)
• The World According to Garp (1982)
• Popeye (1980)
• Good Morning, Vietnam (1987)
• Dead Poets Society (1989)
• Awakenings (1990)
• The Fisher King (1991)
• Hook (1991)
• Aladdin (1992)
• Ferngully (1992)
• TOYS (1992)
• Mrs. Doubtfire (1993)
• Jumanji (1995)
• The Birdcage (1996)
• JACK (1996)
• Good Will Hunting (1997)
• What dreams may come (1998)
• Patch Adams (1998)
• Bicentennial Man (1999)
• AI Artificial Intelligence (2001)
• One hour Photo (2002)
• Insomnia (2002)
• Robots (2005)
• Night at the Museum (2006)
• Happy Feet (2006)
• Night at the Museum 2 (2009)
• Happy Feet 2 (2011)
• The big wedding (2013)

and this year (2014) he is due to be in Absolutely Anything as Dennis the Dog, Night at the Museum 3: Secret of the Tomb as Teddy Roosevelt, Merry Friggin' Christmas as Mitch and The Angriest Man in Brooklyn.

Nominated for the Academy Award for Best Actor 3 times, he received the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor for his performance in Good Will Hunting. He also received two Emmy Awards, four Golden Globe Awards, two Screen Actors Guild Awards and five Grammy Awards.


His role as the Genie (he also did the voice of "The Peddler") in the animated film Aladdin (1992) set the way for many many other superstar voice actor castings. According to DVD commentary of the film most of his dialogue was improvised.

Little Trivia : Robin Williams fell out with Disney over an initial agreement on the marketing of the movie and his character - the Genie which resulted in Dan Castellaneta's voicing the Genie in The Return of Jafar and the Aladdin animated television series. But when 20th Century Fox Production head Joe Roth left Fox and joined Disney (but not before he set the go ahead for Mrs Doubtfire!!) he arranged a public apology from Disney and all was happy again until another marketing blunder and flop on Bicentennial Man in 1999. BUT all became well again and in 2009 Robin agreed to be inducted as a Disney Legend.

"Thank you for choosing "Magic Carpet" for all your travel needs. Don't stand until the rug has come to a complete stop. Thank you. Goodbye, now. Goodbye. Goodbye. Thank you. Goodbye."

Brooke Shields eulogy for Michael Jackson

 Brooke Shields, longtime friend of Michael Jackson, delivers this emotional eulogy at his public memorial service on July 7, 2009. “smile though your heart is aching”

Dr Ken Murray "doctors die, they don't die like the rest of us"

An article by Dr. Ken Murray, an American general practitioner:

"It's not a frequent topic of discussion, but doctors die, too. And they don't die like the rest of us.

What's unusual about them is not how much treatment they get compared to most Americans, but how little. For all the time they spend fending off the deaths of others, they tend to be fairly serene when faced with death themselves. They know exactly what is going to happen, they know the choices, and they generally have access to any sort of medical care they could want. But they go gently.

 Of course, doctors don't want to die; they want to live. But they know enough about modern medicine to know its limits. And they know enough about death to know what all people fear most: dying in pain, and dying alone. They've talked about this with their families. They want to be sure, when the time comes, that no heroic measures will happen - that they will never experience, during their last moments on earth, someone breaking their ribs in an attempt to resuscitate them with CPR [cardio pulmonary resuscitation] (that's what happens if CPR is done right).

Almost all medical professionals have seen what we call "futile care" being performed on people. That's when doctors bring the cutting edge of technology to bear on a grievously ill person near the end of life. The patient will get cut open, perforated with tubes, hooked up to machines, and assaulted with drugs.

Some medical personnel wear medallions stamped "NO CODE" to tell physicians not to perform CPR on them. I have even seen it as a tattoo. To administer medical care that makes people suffer is anguishing. Physicians are trained to gather information without revealing any of their own feelings, but in private, among fellow doctors, they'll vent. "How can anyone do that to their family members?" they'll ask. I suspect it's one reason physicians have higher rates of ... depression than professionals in most other fields."

Hot dogs in a cemetery?!

ICCFA 2014

The ICCFA All Star Annual Convention and Exposition April 8-11 2014, Las Vegas, Nevada.
Held in the Mandalay Bay Resort and Casino.

There was a great representation from the Irish contingent - Farewell Celtic Ashes, Mourning Cross, and Eco Legacy.

We had a great time in Vegas mingling with all the 'Stars' of the funeral industry.

Memorial Payment Solutions offer funeral directors new options in terms of payment for at need clients.  The offer a home's customers quick and easy payment options including a single stop for credit card processing, check (cheque) verification, insurance assignments and short term loans. As the industry moves away from the traditional sources of revenue, the cost of money has become more and more of an issue. Although these guys are not YET available to funeral homes in Ireland the guys are currently working on European links.

The Harbeson Group or the Funeral Commander as he likes to be referred to is a fun southern guy with a big imagination for the industry and an even bigger personality. He has linked up with our very own Kate Hamilton of Mourning Cross Bereavement Pins and DNA Memorial which is a Canadian business. They specialize in storing a person’s DNA indefinitely offering regulated DNA storage and also the ability for genetic research and information.

Tribute Art by Wyland is a new line of bronze sculptures by renowned marine life artist Robert Wyland. They are remembrance sculptures that house the ashes of a loved one inside a beautiful art sculpture and will certainly appeal to over 500,000 collectors of Wyland's artwork.

Other 'stars' to note included Billion Graves who are trying to help future generations to locate there family. It sounded like the google of the grave world and they had the cutest little dog called Solomen at their booth so they got my vote!

Farewell Pet Funeral Kit robbed our name - how dare they?! ;-) but I liked their idea - it is a casket or urn kit for burying pets with love and involving the family creatively. It seemed especially designed for children with the very simplistic literature, inclusion of workbooks, pots of paint and brushes. It reminded me of baby school but I think this is great idea for getting children to deal with their grief in the early years which will help when they have to come to terms with human loss as they grow up.

And lastly there was a development from Meadow Hill Corp who brought us thumbies, now brings a TFScanner which allows funeral directors to easily fingerprint all of the deceased (or living) in a matter of seconds without ink. This can be used for thumbie memorials or identifying the body.

All in all the conference was a success all round with lots other tidbits in between like Archie Griffin opening the show and Stedman Graham doing a motivating key note speech but for me one of the biggest highlights was the supply of food and drink throughout the exhibiting hours which made for a  more happy exhibiting force and a more plentiful audience seeing as they didn't have to sneak out for lunch every day.

NFDA Austin Convention 2013 - Me and Billy Connolly

To my utter surprise and awe, one of my favourite comedians Billy Connolly graced the 2013 convention with his presence to film a new documentary on death. I was privileged and delighted to make his acquaintance.

I have no doubt that some of my babbling will make the final cut of his ITV documentary but I can only hope that some of it will end up on the cutting room floor.

I pointed him in the way of the Design for Death competition area as he had told me how much of a cynic he was with regards the industry and its offerings. I told him it was good to be a cynic and to view everything with eyes open but also to open his mind to some of the experiences, products and services he would undoubtedly encounter on his journey through the convention.

A lovely man, looking a little slight, pale and frail, I wish him super health and I truly hope he opens up the publics mind in an informative and humorous way to the funeral industry and only he can.

Weddings and Memorials

So I have often said that weddings and funerals have alot in common logistically but recently I have seen some articles and images that have further developed that idea.

One lady incorporated the loss of her father a year previous into her wedding day. Something that the whole world has now seen as the photograph of the moment she collapsed at his graveside in grief has gone viral. Even so far as the photographer was interviewed on Fox News Radio about the moment.

In posting the photo and seeing the reaction, photographer Kari said "I was very hesitant to share this image due to the privacy of the bride. She was so kind to share this with everyone. It was a sweet moment, and an incredibly difficult one to photograph. I lost my mom when I was young so this image meant a lot to me. And now I see how much it means to SO many others."
Zander & Breck Photography FB page here. This is the photo:

It's interesting to read some of the comments on how this photo is affecting people - One lady said that she had lost her Grandmother, little sister and brother in law with 8 months of each other and so when it came to marrying her now husband, she felt that she "could never get married without them there, so my husband and I got (married) at the cemetery" 

Another lady put her wedding bouquet down on her father's grave after the ceremony. Interesting how all these life events are entwined as our lives are. 

The Disney Files - John Fiedler

 John Donald Fiedler (February 3, 1925 – June 25, 2005) 

Today is the 8 year anniversary of his death but his legacy lives on. The American voice and character actor had a distinctive, high-pitched voice which lead him to lead the character of Piglet in Disney's Winnie-the-Pooh productions.

Famous roles (other than Piglet) include :

• The nervous Juror #2 in '12 Angry Men'
• Vinnie, the meek poker player in the film 'The Odd Couple'
• Mr. Peterson on 'The Bob Newhart Show'

Born in Platteville, Wisconsin, a son of Donald Fiedler and Margaret Phelan a little known fact is that he enlisted in the United States Navy and served until the end of World War II after which he began his acting career in NYC. His career lasted more than 55 years - stage, film, television and radio.

• Films: True Grit, The Cannonball Run, Harper Valley PTA. 
• TV: Alfred Hitchcock Presents, Perry Mason, Gunsmoke, My Favorite Martian, Bewitched, Get Smart, The Rockford Files, Star Trek, The Golden Girls, Cheers, Kolchak: The Night Stalker, The Bob Newhart Show, Twilight Zone. 
• Voice work: Disney's The Rescuers, The Fox and the Hound, Robin Hood, The Emperor's New Groove, The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, The Tigger Movie, Piglet's Big Movie, Pooh's Heffalump Movie, Rascal.

Fiedler died aged 80 on June 25, 2005 in Englewood, New Jersey, one day after the death of his fellow Winnie the Pooh co-star (Tigger), Paul Winchell.

JFK and Ireland - 50 years

John Fitzgerald "Jack" Kennedy

(May 29, 1917 – November 22, 1963)

He was famously referred to by his initials JFK, and he was the 35th President of the United States, serving from 1961 until his assassination in 1963.

John F. Kennedy, during his inaugural address, famously said
"Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country." 

He asked the nations of the world to join together to fight what he called the "common enemies of man: tyranny, poverty, disease, and war itself"
"All this will not be finished in the first one hundred days. Nor will it be finished in the first one thousand days, nor in the life of this Administration, nor even perhaps in our lifetime on this planet. But let us begin."


Kennedy's ancestral home was Ireland - lest anyone forget it. And so we celebrate his infamous visit to Ireland in June 1963 in present day 2013.

A torch lit from the eternal flame at Kennedy's grave in Arlington National Cemetery has made its way to Ireland for a special ceremony this weekend (June 22nd 2013). His daughter Caroline Kennedy and sister Jean Kennedy Smith will use the torch to light an 'emigrant flame' in Mr Kennedy's ancestral home town of New Ross, Wexford.

In a Government dinner hosted by the Tánaiste at Iveagh House, Caroline Kennedy said that "even 50 years ago Ireland led by example by sending members of the Defence Forces to a UN peacekeeping mission in the Congo." Ms Kennedy said that the world owed Ireland "a debt of gratitude" for continuing to send peacekeepers to some of the most dangerous areas of the world and that the Northern Ireland Peace Process had shown the world "the power of hope and the importance of dialogue."

There has and always will be a great affiliation between the Irish and John F Kennedy and not just that he was the first president to visit the island seeking his heritage but he developed a great fondness for the country. The honour guard at JFK's graveside was the 37th Cadet Class of the Irish Army. JFK had been so greatly impressed by the Irish Cadets on his last official visit to Ireland that Jackie Kennedy requested the Irish Army to be the honour guard at the funeral.

Saint Patrick's Day

St. Patrick’s Day is celebrated on March 17th every year in honor of a guy called St. Patrick who died on the day in 461. 

This holiday has been celebrated by the Irish for over 1000 years! 

Born in Britain to a Roman Christian family around 390 A.D., his given name was Maewyn Succat. Aged 16, he was kidnapped and sold into slavery as a shepherd in Ireland for 7 years. He escaped and sailed back home on a pirate ship. After being ordained a priest and changing his name to Patrick, he traveled back to Ireland to to spread Christianity. After his death, he was largely forgotten until centuries later he was honored as the patron saint of Ireland. 

St. Patrick's Day parades actually began in America with the first St. Patrick's Day parade taking place in New York. The yearly St. Patrick's Day parade in New York is the world's oldest civilian parade. 

So why wear green?? Well there are two versions - the first is that the color represents the Emerald Isle or Ireland and Spring and shamrocks. Legend has it that the shamrock came about when St. Patrick was teaching the Irish about the Holy Trinity and used this three-leafed plant.

The second is that the wearing of the green traces back to when Ireland was a country divided and Catholics lived on the “green side” and Protestants lived on the “orange side.” The Irish flag is green, orange and white representing the catholic side of Ireland, the Protestants and neutrality.

Happy Paddys (not Pattys!!!!) Day! ;-)

Patsy Cline

Patsy Cline (September 8, 1932 – March 5, 1963)

It's Patsy Cline's 50th anniversary this year. Born Virginia Patterson Hensley in Winchester, Virginia, Patsy Cline was a successful American country music singer. She was one of the most influential and acclaimed female vocalists of the 20th century.

Cline began with "Walking After Midnight" on a tv show called "Arthur Godfrey’s Talent Scouts". "I fall to pieces", "Crazy" and "She's Got You" became some of her most successful hits.

Sadly, she died at the height of her career in a private plane crash aged 30 years. 

The Tragedy that was The Kennedy's

It will be JFK's 50th anniversary next year.

So who was JFK and who were the Kennedys?

They certainly had an unfair share of tragedy in their lives.

Jacqueline had a miscarriage in 1955 and a stillbirth in 1956; and a son, Patrick Bouvier Kennedy, died shortly after birth in August 1963.

John's eldest brother, Joseph P. Kennedy, Jr., who was originally to carry the family's hopes for the Presidency, died in World War II, aged 29. Then both JFK, and his brother Robert died as a result of assassinations. Years after JFK's death, it was revealed that aged 30, he had been diagnosed with Addison's disease - a rare endocrine disorder.

Infamously known as the guy who shot JFK, Lee Harvey Oswald assassinated John F. Kennedy in Dallas on November 22, 1963. Oswald was shot and killed two days later by Jack Ruby.

Edward Kennedy had brushes with death, the first in a plane crash in 1964 and the second as a result of a car accident in 1969. Edward died at age 77, on August 25, 2009, from the effects of a malignant brain tumor.

Caroline Bouvier Kennedy was born in 1957 and is the only surviving member of JFK's immediate family. John F. Kennedy, Jr. was born in 1960, just a few weeks after his father was elected. John died in 1999, when a plane crashed en route to Martha's Vineyard, also killing his wife and his sister-in-law.

An Irish Wake

A wake is the process of laying out the body of a departed relative in the house and watching over them from the time of death until the body is conveyed to the care of the church. The body will usually be laid out in the parlour or living room of the deceased’s home. Family, friends and neighbours attend. Typically a large amount of food and drink is consumed over the period of mourning.

So where did it all come about? Well the true origins of the wake are foggy but it appears to date back to an ancient Jewish custom of leaving the sepulchre (burial chamber, vault, tomb, or grave) of the deceased open for three days before finally closing it up. This time allows family members to visit, which they typically did in the hope of seeing signs of a return to life.

Of course the Irish have to throw their own slant on it and it usually involves drink. A story that is more than likely a myth is also doing the rounds as to the origins of the Irish wake. Often drinkers who drank from pewter tankards would suffer (frequently) from lead poisoning and a symptom of this poisoning would be a catatonic state causing the person to appear dead only for them to recover or awaken a few hours or days later!

Typically a wake is a time for celebration of the deceased’s time on earth and an opportunity to say farewell to loved ones. It can be a sad affair but also an uplifting service marking the deceased, their life and sending them onto their next journey with goodwill and love.

Michael Clarke Duncan Funeral

Michael Clarke Duncan died on the 3rd of September 2012 at the age of 54 after failing to recover from a heart attack he had suffered earlier in the year. In 2000, he was nominated for an Oscar for his portrayal as a convicted murderer on death row in the above movie, The Green Mile.


His funeral details were as follows:

Date: 10th September 2012
Venue: Forest Lawn Memorial Park in Hollywood Hills

Music: Singer Stevie Wonder (via video) played piano and sang the opening verses of his song 'As'

Tributes:

Tom Hanks spoke of his late co-star and his penmanship, described as "loopy and huge", resembled that of "a 12-year-old girl who loves horses". He also told a warming story of how the actor one day decided to tell his mother he was going to join a gang in his hometown of Chicago. She hit him with a frying pan she was using. That ended that discussion. Tom Hanks describes then how he imagines the gentle giant (6ft 4in, 300 lb) trying to explain to his fellow gang members that his mother would not let him join them."If it wasn't for that mama and the frying pan with a pork chop, we would not be here today celebrating the life of Michael Clarke Duncan,".

Frank Darabont, director of The Green Mile, spoke and read a letter from Stephen King (Green Mile author) in which Stephen wrote "No one has ever done a character I wrote more justice."

Other speakers included Grey's Anatomy actress Loretta Devine and Angel/Bones actor David Boreanaz.


Attendees: Tom Hanks, his Green Mile co-star, US talk show host Jay Leno, Frank Darabont, director of The Green Mile, Grey's Anatomy actress Loretta Devine, David Boreanaz, Michael's fiancee - former reality TV star the Reverend Omarosa O Manigault, Michael's mother, sister and nephews

RIP Michael.

We will count no more..aa aa aa

Jerry Nelson has died aged 78. Jerry (July 10, 1934 – August 23, 2012) an American puppeteer, best known for his work with The Muppets also performed Gobo Fraggle on Fraggle Rock and on Sesame street. He voiced Mr. Snuffleupagus from 1971 - 78. He grew up in Washington, D.C.

Nelson worked with Muppet creator Jim Henson on TV's The Jimmy Dean Show, a program on which Kermit and the Muppets first became popular.  His began with Sesame Street in the '70s, and he continued to be the Count until his retirement in 2004. He also played the role of the telethon announcer in last year's big screen movie "The Muppets."

He is survived by his wife, Jan. Sadly their daughter, Christine, died of cystic fibrosis in 1982.

RIP Count.

A real life love story

An American couple who had been married for 72 years, died one hour apart last week in hospital as they held hands. The story of Iowa natives Gordon, 94, and Norma Yeager, 90, seems a real-life love story.

Their son Dennis Yeager said "They're very old-fashioned. They believed in marriage till death do you part, they just loved being together ”. Dennis describes how the couple left home to go into town, but didn't make it. At a highway intersection they crashed their car into another. Apparently in the intensive care unit, the nurses knew not to separate Gordon and Norma.

Gordon died at 3:38 pm still holding hands with his wife while their family looked on.

"Neither one of them would've wanted to be without each other. I couldn't figure out how it was going to work," said a family member. "We were very blessed, honestly, that they went this way."

At their funeral service, Norma and Gordon continued to hold hands in their casket. They were to be cremated and their ashes mixed together.

The inseparable couple got engaged and married within 12 hours on May 26, 1939 - the same day Norma Yeager graduated from high school.

A family member said "All their life has been together, so, when it came to the funeral home, we asked, 'Can we have them put in the casket together holding hands?' Because that's the way their life was."