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Thursday 27 September 2012

To Arthur!!!

Brenda O'Malley is home as usual, making dinner, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya."
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me..."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Seamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."
Brenda reached a hand out to her side, found the arm of the rocking chair by the fireplace, pulled the chair to her and collapsed into it. She wept for many minutes. Finally she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. Seamus fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, Brenda... no."
"Fact is, he got out three times to pee."

Wednesday 19 September 2012

Irish Jokes

" I hear Murphy died, " said Pat. "Was he ill long?"
"No," said Mick. "He died in the best of health."


Paddy was walking through a graveyard when he came across a headstone with the inscription "Here lies a politician and an honest man."
"Faith now," exclaimed Paddy, "I wonder how they got the two of them in one grave."


Mrs. Pete Monaghan came into the newsroom to pay for her husband's obituary. She was told by the kindly newsman that it was a dollar a word and he remembered Pete and wasn't it too bad about him passing away. She thanked him for his kind words and bemoaned the fact that she only had two dollars. But she wrote out the obituary,
"Pete died."
The newsman said he thought old Pete deserved more and he'd give her three more words at no charge. Mrs. Pete Monaghan thanked him and rewrote the obituary:
"Pete died. Boat for sale"


"Mike," he says, "I know I'm a goner."
"Oh, Paddy, have faith, ye still have years ahead uv yuh."
"No, Mick, I'm finished an' you've been such a great friend, there's one thing I'd like yuh to do when I'm gone."
"Ahh, Paddy, I'll do anything you ask, I swear it to the Saints and the Holy Mother."
"Well, dear friend, I have been saving a jug of fine whiskey that my brother sent me from Cashel some eight years ago, and I would like you to pour it on me grave when I'm buried."
Mike sits silently for a long time and Pat asks again,
"will you o that for yer oldest friend, Mike?"
Mike draws a big breath and says, "Ye know I will Pat, but would ye mind if I filter it through me kidneys first?'


Tuesday 11 September 2012

Michael Clarke Duncan Funeral

Michael Clarke Duncan died on the 3rd of September 2012 at the age of 54 after failing to recover from a heart attack he had suffered earlier in the year. In 2000, he was nominated for an Oscar for his portrayal as a convicted murderer on death row in the above movie, The Green Mile.

His funeral details were as follows:

Date: 10th September 2012
Venue: Forest Lawn Memorial Park in Hollywood Hills

Music: Singer Stevie Wonder (via video) played piano and sang the opening verses of his song 'As'


Tom Hanks spoke of his late co-star and his penmanship, described as "loopy and huge", resembled that of "a 12-year-old girl who loves horses". He also told a warming story of how the actor one day decided to tell his mother he was going to join a gang in his hometown of Chicago. She hit him with a frying pan she was using. That ended that discussion. Tom Hanks describes then how he imagines the gentle giant (6ft 4in, 300 lb) trying to explain to his fellow gang members that his mother would not let him join them."If it wasn't for that mama and the frying pan with a pork chop, we would not be here today celebrating the life of Michael Clarke Duncan,".

Frank Darabont, director of The Green Mile, spoke and read a letter from Stephen King (Green Mile author) in which Stephen wrote "No one has ever done a character I wrote more justice."

Other speakers included Grey's Anatomy actress Loretta Devine and Angel/Bones actor David Boreanaz.

Attendees: Tom Hanks, his Green Mile co-star, US talk show host Jay Leno, Frank Darabont, director of The Green Mile, Grey's Anatomy actress Loretta Devine, David Boreanaz, Michael's fiancee - former reality TV star the Reverend Omarosa O Manigault, Michael's mother, sister and nephews

RIP Michael.

Sept 11th 2001

I love this, it is truly, beautifully simple.

Saturday 8 September 2012

Small Irish Joke for the Weekend

What's the difference between an Irish funeral and an Irish wedding?

One less drunk!

You have probably heard it a million times but I love it!