Elizabeth Fournier: A Celebration of Life, the Green Way

 

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Notice how many people are into renewable energy, protecting the environment, eco-friendly options, and so on? It is therefore not surprising that people can also embrace the green lifestyle even when handling the end-of-life phase through the so-called ‘green burial’ options.

This is the episode where the Glam Reaper, Jennifer, meets the Green Reaper, Elizabeth Fournier. Elizabeth is the author of “The Green Burial Guidebook: Everything You Need to Plan an Affordable, Environmentally Friendly Burial” and she helps families with how they want to celebrate the lives of their dearly departed. There are many options, of course, but being a member of the Advisory Board for the Green Burial Council, she is certainly an authority on the subject and why she is known as the “Green Reaper”. Enjoy listening!

LITTLE NUGGETS OF GOLD:

- About Elizabeth Fournier's journey in the funeral industry and her green burial initiative.

- What is the story of Elizabeth's first natural burial experience?

- How many states allow natural burial and what sorts of legal restrictions are there in every state?

- What are some problems that we can anticipate with natural burial and what precautions should be taken beforehand?

- How did that first natural burial go and how did Elizabeth's green journey progress from that?

- Does Elizabeth's funeral home only do green burials?

Resources:

Green Burial Council - https://www.greenburialcouncil.org/

National Home Funeral Alliance - https://www.homefuneralalliance.org/

Connect with Elizabeth Fournier:

Website - https://www.thegreenreaper.org/

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/greenburial/

Twitter - http://www.twitter.com/elizfournier

Instagram - http://www.instagram.com/elizabethgreenreaper

Email - elizabeth@elizabethfournier.com

Connect with Jennifer/The Glam Reaper:

Facebook Page - Muldowney Memorials: https://www.facebook.com/MuldowneyMemorials/

Facebook Page - Rainbow Bridge Memorials: https://www.facebook.com/rainbowbridgememorialsdotcom

Instagram - @muldowneymemorials & @jennifermuldowney

Twitter - @TheGlamReaper

Email us here: glamreaperpodcast@gmail.com

The Cycle Of Lives: a Journey Through Emotional Chaos with David Richman

The impact of cancer in peoples’ lives is getting a lot more attention now than it has ever been before. The emotional toll that this takes for patients, survivors and those still battling it can be extremely draining for everyone around them, especially for their families.

This conversation Jennifer had with David Richman on this new episode of the Glam Reaper Podcast was very insightful as he shared his firsthand experience of having someone in the family deal with the disease.

In this episode, David shares his story about cancer, how he managed to turn his life around and the two bestseller books he has written. His most recent one is "Cycle Of Lives: 15 People’s Stories, 5,000 Miles, and a Journey Through the Emotional Chaos of Cancer”. It’s a book featuring fifteen life stories, including those of cancer survivors, doctors, nurses, etc., giving people a 360 degree view on cancer.

At the heart of the conversation is about the choices we make in life and our perspectives. Listen to this episode to find out what matters most in life in under an hour. Enjoy!

LITTLE NUGGETS OF GOLD:

• David Richman talks about himself, his life’s journey and the point in his life when he decided to start doing things for himself
• The compelling “Terry Story”, one of the 15 stories from his book Cycle of Lives, who in spite of her situation welcomes every morning to see if she had a 50% chance of happiness
• Interesting ideas on “Perspective” from Jennifer and David.
• How was David able to endure the marathons, the triathlons, the 87-mile rollerblade ride and the 47 hundred miles bike ride in 45 days?

Check out the books mentioned by Jennifer Muldowney:

• Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing by Bronnie Ware (https://www.amazon.com/Top-Five-Regrets-Dying-Transformed/dp/140194065X)
• Tools of Titans: The Tactics, Routines, and Habits of Billionaires, Icons, and World-Class Performers by Timothy Ferriss (https://www.amazon.com/Tools-Titans-Billionaires-World-Class-Performers/dp/1328683788)
• Meditations by Marcus Aurelius (https://www.amazon.com/Meditations-Marcus-Aurelius/dp/1503280462)
• Rememberings by Sinéad O'Connor (https://www.amazon.com/Rememberings-Sin%C3%A9ad-OConnor/dp/0358423880)

Books written by David Richman:

• Winning in the Middle of the Pack: Realizing True Success in Business and in Life (https://david-richman.com/winning-in-the-middle-of-the-pack/)
• Cycle of Lives (https://david-richman.com/cycle-of-lives/)

Connect with David Richman:

Website - https://david-richman.com/

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cycleoflives/

Twitter - https://twitter.com/cycleoflives 

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/davidrichman_cycleoflives/

LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/davidrichman/

Connect with Jennifer/The Glam Reaper:

Facebook Page - Muldowney Memorials: https://www.facebook.com/MuldowneyMemorials/

Facebook Page - Rainbow Bridge Memorials: https://www.facebook.com/rainbowbridgememorialsdotcom

Instagram - @muldowneymemorials & @jennifermuldowney

Twitter - @TheGlamReaper

Email us here: glamreaperpodcast@gmail.com

She has gone away, so smile....

You can shed tears that she is gone
or you can smile because she has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that she’ll come back
or you can open your eyes and see all she’s left.

Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her
or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live in yesterday
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember her and only that she’s gone
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back
or you can do what she’d want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

The funeral reception

In simple terms, your choice of venue for a funeral reception is between holding it at home (the deceased’s home or that of a close relative) or in an external venue (a hired hall or hotel,

restaurant, club or pub). Sometimes it is not an easy choice but often the choice has already been decided, through the deceased’s requests or ‘because that is what he/she would have wanted’. This can help relieve a great deal of decision-making. But for those that still have to make the choice or would just like to know what each option holds, below I have detailed the issues to consider with each.

House versus Venue

House:

• Transport to and from the house: Where is the house located? Is it on a quiet street without much parking or with ‘pay and display’ parking? Is it down a very tight country lane where accidents are common? Does it have a large driveway that will accommodate some cars? How far from the church or funeral service is it? Is it easy to find? Perhaps a few designated directors

can guide people to the house from the service;

• Need to put certain areas ‘off limit’: This is someone’s home, maybe the deceased’s, or their family home. Either way, you need people to be respectful and to facilitate that you need to set some boundaries. If possible, lock bedroom doors or any ‘off limit’ areas. Put any and all valuables or precious items into these locked rooms;

• Provide maps: Even with all the technology around today, it never hurts to supply people with a physical and easy-to-read map with directions to the house, to make sure you don’t lose anyone en route;

• Immediate family only or all invited: This is a personal decision to make but also one to think about

logisitically. How popular was the deceased? Will everyone who was at the service attend the reception? Will people who could not make the service come to the reception? How many can the house and the food / drink cater for? Would a more quiet, ‘family only’ affair be more respectful and more tasteful?

• No peace and quiet: A common issue with having a reception in your own home is that there is no escape. You cannot retire to bed or relax on your couch and collect your thoughts, cry, laugh, reminisce or scream if you have invited people into your home. Everywhere you go in the house, you will find people who will want to sympathize with you;

• Marquee option: Having a reception in your home is a lovely idea but, if you expect numbers to exceed space you have available to cater for them, consider the option of hiring a marquee and placing it in the back or front garden. It will still have that homely feel but will ease the impact on your home;

Catering: 
Another critical aspect of having a reception in a home is catering for everyone. Typically, people are hungry after a funeral service – thirsty, too. Can you afford / do you have the space to cater for them all? Do you have the kitchen facilities to do it? Will it be finger food, buffet or a three-course meal? Can friends, family and neighbors bring a dish or some sandwiches and help out? It will certainly ease stress if a caterer can come and have all the food and drink (including cups of tea and coffee – a favorite at events such as funerals) prepared for you when you arrive home from the service and will clear up when you are finished. They also can supply the extra cutlery and glassware that would otherwise have to be rented or borrowed.

Venue:

• Transport to and from: Often a central venue in the local town or city center can be the best choice when it comes to transport. Typically, there is ample parking, directions to the venue are known, and roads and paths are well-lit and secure.

• Local or long distance: Did the deceased drink in a particular bar or visit a particular hotel or restaurant regularly? This could be ideal for the reception. Another option is to think of a venue where perhaps the deceased always wanted to visit. Choosing venues can be dependent on whether you wish to ask people to travel long distances. Elderly people may not be able to commit to the travel;

• Book accommodation: Depending on how far people must travel for the funeral service, you may have to provide them with accommodation information such as local bed and breakfasts or hotels. If you are holding the reception in a hotel, you might be able to negotiate a discount on rooms booked;

• House-sitters: If you choose to have the reception in a local hotel, it is sad, but often burglars are aware of this fact. The deceased’s details have been printed in the newspaper and this house is now empty, with potentially dozens of others on the same road or in the same estate as the deceased. All of these home-owners will be at the hotel at the reception. Safeguard yourself and your home against these opportunists and have a house-sitter mind your home, leave a radio or a TV on, make sure an alarm has been fitted to your home and leave some lights on. Give the impression someone is

home;

• Opportunity to get away if needed: A bonus to having a reception in a hotel, club, bar or local restaurant is that it is easy to slip away for some peace and quiet if you need to. Funerals can be very tiring and emotional experiences and while some people will wish to celebrate the deceased life long into the night, others will feel tired very fast and require some sleep or just a few moments alone;

• Music and entertainment: Having an external venue look after the reception also means that you can hire professionals to provide entertainment for your guests – maybe the deceased’s favorite band or trad singer or pianist?

Catering: 
Again, choosing a venue takes care of the catering issue. Professionals will cater to everyone’s taste and price. You can choose to pay for everything, or allow everyone to order for themselves or you can order some smaller items and if people wish to have more they can pay for it.

Regardless of which option you choose, home or external venue, there are still more decisions to make. Food and drink options will be similar whether the reception is held in the home or in a public house:

• Will you have a special toast for the deceased?

• Is there a special menu you would like to supply in honour of the deceased?

• Will you supply a buffet, finger food or sit down menu? What time will it be served at?

• Will you supply a free bar/limited bar or have people pay for/bring their own?

Another option could be to have a family sit-down dinner immediately after the service and meet up with everyone else in a broader reception afterward. Always keep some food aside; this might seem like a waste but it will not be. This food is for the immediate family who may or may not eat during the reception as they will be chatting with everyone and accepting sympathies. This food will be greatly appreciated after the reception when everyone has gone home.

Are you living or visiting San Fran in April??

Death—a truly universal topic—is the focus of more than 100 unique events happening in every corner of San Francisco this April (which is tomorrow!)

Reimagine, a nonprofit inspired by OpenIDEO's End of Life Challenge has partnered with the City of San Francisco via the Department of Aging and Adult Services and the

Palliative Care Work Group to present Reimagine End of Life, a full week of exploring

big questions about life and death through creativity and conversation. 

From April 16 to 22, more than 100 collaborators will produce experiences, workshops, and

performances designed to spark public discussion and connection. Details and tickets

are available at www.letsreimagine.org/san-francisco or by calling (415) 329-6911.

“Reimagine convenes public conversations that transform our approach to life.
Everyone, irrespective of culture and background, is encouraged to reflect on why we’re
here, prepare for a time when we won’t be, and design what it means for us to live fully
right up until the end,” said Brad Wolfe, founder and executive director of Reimagine.
“More than 2,500 people attended 30 events during our first Reimagine week in 2016,
so we are expecting 7,000 this year. We want to connect the entire community with
life’s universal truth.”

Drawing on the arts, spirituality, healthcare, and design, Reimagine End of Life is
intended to break down taboos and bring diverse communities together in wonder,
preparation and remembrance. Events will be hosted throughout the week by a wide
variety of local organizations and individuals, from physicians performing personal
stories of their own experiences with death to music and comedy shows about mortality,
to a remembrance ceremony for the environment on the eve of Earth Day.

During the weekend prior to Reimagine End of Life, spiritual leaders across San
Francisco will participate in a “Conversation Sabbath,” speaking to their congregations
about death and encouraging involvement in Reimagine week events, especially the
numerous Advance Care Planning Workshops. More than 25 churches, community
organizations and libraries will host these free workshops to help residents plan their
end-of-life care and complete healthcare directives.

Funeral directors in Ireland

Typically when someone in Ireland dies, the first thing a family does is to contact a local funeral director or undertaker. A funeral director’s job usually involves:

• Collection of the deceased’s body;
• Preparation of the deceased’s body;
• Embalming the body;
• Provision of a coffin and hearse;
• Provision of transport for the family and guests;
• The organization of, and payment for, the burial plot (if not already paid for);
• Payment for the following disbursements: grave opening or cremation charges, church offerings, newspaper announcements (obituaries);
• Organising flowers and sympathy cards as received.

In general, an invoice from a funeral director should be paid within 30 days. If the account goes into arrears, by Irish law the funds can be paid from the deceased’s estate. Funeral directors in Ireland are not under any legal obligation to display their prices, although members of the Irish Association of Funeral Directors (IAFD) are bound by their Code of Practice (see below) to do so.

The IAFD (www.iafd.ie) has almost 300 members across the island of Ireland, out of an estimated total of 600 operating funeral directors. The IAFD has a Code of Practice that its members must adhere to, which is in effect a Customer Care Charter. It includes a complaints procedure if a customer has an issue.

The IAFD’s Code of Practice requires a funeral director to agree to the following:

• Serve their clients with competence and concern for the client’s best interests;
• Discuss and agree their charges with the next-of-kin in advance, unless expressly asked not to do so;
• Professionalism and quality of service in arranging and conducting the funeral;
• Accurate advertising of prices and services;
• Confidentiality.

The funeral industry in Ireland is one of the few worldwide where there are still no barriers to entry and no licensing or regulation. Yet these businesses are responsible for the burial or

cremation of thousands of people each year. The Forum on End of Life, which

started researching and consulting in the area of End of Life in March 2009, is a project of the Irish Hospice Foundation and its National Council and is chaired by Mrs. Justice Catherine McGuinness. The Forum is currently calling for government regulation of funeral and cremation services, including embalming, as they have reported that some funeral directors are issuing ambiguous invoices to families and particular providers are engaging in financial arrangements with hospital and hospice staff to ensure recommendation.

Between reports like this, media coverage and word-of-mouth, the industry has developed a reputation that is not altogether flattering. So, like every purchase you make, you should consider who your supplier is, their character, background, experience and previous testimonials before signing anything. See blog post 5 Things to Know Before You Visit a Funeral Director for more info!

End of Life Forum 2017

The End of Life Forum 2017 was held in Dublin Castle yesterday October 10th and was a brilliant day, filled with like-minded professionals, Irish government officials, experts and the ever important 'Joe Publics'. All End of Life aspects where discussed, questions asked (not all answered!) and touching stories shared.

DID YOU KNOW? 88% of doctors said they would choose Do Not Attempt CPR (DNACPR or Do Not Attempt Resuscitation or Allow Natural Death decisions) and YET they deliver these orders to you the patient. Doesn't make a whole lot of sense now does it? Kind of terrifying too.

There was talk (obviously) of the budget and the fact that the Bereavement Grant was not reinstated for 2018's Budget plan. It was said that although this grant wasn't of massive financial significance in helping costs at end of life, it was significant because it represents the State acknowledging you had 'lost a heartbeat'. Considering by this time next year, there will be 3 million Irish people bereaved after a loss of 29, 000 lives, that is a lot of heartbeats ignored by the State.

DID YOU KNOW? 1 out of 3 of us will lose the ability to make our own decisions in the end.

If there is one thing I have been eager on encouraging my readers to do, it is to PREPLAN their funeral because that is what I am passionate about but preplanning your funeral is just ONE task on the 'to do list' of End of Life planning and while the appendices in my first book includes a fantastic (if I do say so myself!) plan to help you preplan your funeral, it does NOT include all of the other essential questions and answers you need to address to fully sort out your End of Life plan. And so, I nod to the Irish Hospice Foundation's fantastic The Think Ahead form which will guide you in recording your preferences regarding ALL aspects of end of life. It encourages you to ensure that those closest to you are aware of these preferences so that, should a time come when you are unable to express them yourself, your wishes will be clear to those caring for you or managing your affairs.

80 people die a day in Ireland, some suddenly and some slowly and some painfully and as Irish Hospice CEO Sharon Foley said "For every 1 death, someone's life changes for ever."

Bryan Nolan...we need to remember that "The person dying is the MOST bereaved person in the room".

Considering a DIY Funeral?

Not a task to be undertaken lightly, a DIY funeral (or, more accurately, a do-it-at-home funeral) can be a very personal experience but also a very difficult process. I suggest that if itis something you wish to do, do it with the help and advice of a good funeral home. I would advise also that this is something you plan ahead for (before the person dies).


A few things to note:
• A body can – and probably will – leak bodily fluids if not properly prepared;• If you wish for the body to be stored at home until the service, the family will need to keep it in a ventilated and cool room;
• A number of factors affect the speed of decomposition, even if the body is kept in a cool place. Be prepared for this;
• Embalming is not a legal requirement (In Ireland) unless the body is leaving the country. However, embalming is sanitary and preserving and allows the body to be presentable for viewing. Only a professional embalmer should do embalming;
• You can make or purchase your own coffin. Walmart and Costco in the US now sell coffins online. In the UK, William Warren (www.williamwarren.co.uk) provides instructions to make a bookcase, called ‘Shelves for Life’, based on your measurements, which can be turned into a coffin upon your death (more on that in a separate post)
• You will have to take care of certain issues that the funeral director typically deals with, such as booking the slot at the crematorium, appointing a priest or another person to deliver the service, arranging transport for the coffin, and grave-digging if a burial is involved;
• You cannot legally bury a body anywhere in Ireland. You must get permission first from your local County Council to do so, and approval from a Health Inspector to avoid human remains from polluting the water systems, etc;
• If you are opting for cremation after the DIY service, check with the crematorium that they will accept the body as you have prepared it. Some crematoriums may have an issue accepting bodies that are not in a coffin bought from an undertaker or arrive other than by hearse.

Funeral Directors - cremation/burial or something else??

A recent survey carried out by U.K. Company YouGov (a self-proclaimed community of 4 million contributors around the world) of 1,546 adults showed that 58% of those asked would currently opt for cremation, in comparison to 17% who preferred the idea of burial. Of those in favour of cremation, 79% wanted their ashes to be scattered. In response to the results, YouGov said there was a “strong shift in preference towards cremation as people get older”. While 42% of 18-24 year olds wish to be cremated, this figure rises to 71% among the over-65s. Have you found this in your Funeral Home?

That’s nearly 6 out of 10 people with cremation as their preferred final journey when their day is done. Perhaps more interestingly, 25% (which is still more than burial) opted for something else or were unsure, which means we still have a role in educating the market to help people with their choices and decisions OR that there needs to be more options available.
Currently, the most common ways to dispose of a body in Ireland are burial and cremation (earth versus fire), however there are constant developments in technology and new methods will be introduced in the coming years. These include Resomation (where bodies are dissolved into an alkaline hydrolysis liquid), Promession (a process which freeze-dries bodies in nitrogen) and Irish company ecoLation (who use freezing pressure and heat which results in an inert powder where all toxins and chemicals are neutralized).

Burying someone and erecting a headstone or having a grave marker can provide a family with peace as they have somewhere physical to visit to feel close to the deceased. This is one of the reasons a lot of people opt for burial instead of cremation. However there is also the environmental factor to be considered, as has been seen in Ireland with the increase in demand for green burials, a trend which has not been missed by the new technology companies mentioned above.

A new video has been doing the rounds online showcasing Promession, which got me excited that this new technology might be ready to market. However, with further research you can see that the video is in fact 6 years old and nothing seems to have moved forward for them in terms of bringing the product to market. Resomation is available in parts of the USA but that is it, or at least that was all the information I could find on it. ecoLation seem to have come on leaps and bounds since I last covered them in my book ('Say Farewell Your Way') and they have units rolling out in at least 4 different countries in 2017 which is great news for Funeral Directors, their clientele, and Ireland as a country to have such innovation coming from its shores. So the question is the 25% - will they choose either of these 3 options as they become available?

Something Beautiful Remains

Something Beautiful Remains

by Martha Vashti Pearson

 The tide recedes, but leaves behind

Bright seashells on the sand.

The sun goes down but gentle warmth

Still lingers on the land.

The music stops and yet it lingers on

In sweet refrain.

For every joy that passes

Something beautiful remains.

I See Dead People: Dreams and Visions of the Dying

So....watch this talk. PLEASE. I think it's great. Seriously. I had a similar experience (well I didn't but I heard about it through my mother) when my grand mother passed away 10 years ago. 

I lived in Washington DC 10 years ago and was training for a marathon in Miami. I got a call Friday morning at 930am to say my grandmother had been brought into hospital with panic attacks. I was flying to Miami the following day. My phone rang at 930 pm on the Friday night and I knew immediately that she was gone. I spoke with my mom about her final hours and she said the strangest thing (I thought at the time). She asked my mom when was I next home and when she replied two weeks, my grandmother sighed in resignation. Mom said she knew she wouldn't be around to see me. Then all of a sudden she looked sad and when my mom asked her why she replied "I really liked this world." So she completely knew that she was dying and that it was going to happen soon. 

This Ted Talk is very interesting and I completely agree with Dr. Christopher Kerr. In fact, Id love to know more - does anyone have any experience similar to mine or his?

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Bucket List check! Orlando - Universal Studios Orlando 2016

Be happy…. think about death! 2016 Resolutions.

Be happy…. think about death!

WANT a better 2016? Try thinking more about your every day. No I don’t mean your routine or your eating habits or lack of exercise or business financials but about your work - why you do what you do.

Meditating death is a key to better living. Contemplating our own demise forces us into considering the present and future. Knowing that one day it will all come to an end (depending on your beliefs) allows the brain to acknowledge the present and living and the countless opportunities that await us. The future depends on what you do now, today. Death will surely come knocking - as a professional in the funeral industry you know this but are you ready for it? Have you fulfilled your Bucket List? If by some miracle you have then create a new one for 2016. If you have procrastinated on your Bucket List until now then make 2016 the year you complete the list. To make this easier and more achievable when planning always try to vividly visualize the activity - when is it happening, where and how?

Sometimes we can become to engulfed in our work day to day that we lose sight of why we do what we do until we lose someone ourselves and then it is often too late. So if you are planning a summer holiday this year - if this was to be the last one ever - with whom would you go and spend some time? Where would you go? What would you do when there? How long would you go for?

If this year were your last, would you spend the next hour mindlessly checking your social media, or would you call someone you haven’t spoken to in a while? Would you spend the day with your family or spend the day helping other families? Some of our choices are not easy, or fair and sometimes it takes looking death directly in the eye before we realize the real choices we want to and should make. Although his name is now forever associated with drug allegations in sport some would say that it took a serious potentially fatal cancer diagnosis to send Lance Armstrong on to make history and win seven consecutive Tour de France championships. What will your Tour de France be?

There’s still time to rethink your resolutions. Forget losing weight, giving up cigarettes (although you should try!) and saving money. Those are New Year’s resolutions for regular joe soaps but you’re a funeral director. You live, breathe and sleep death so why not apply it to your own life and this year, improve your outlook: Be fully alive now by thinking about your demise. Have a Happy  and Healthy 2016!

Steve Jobs 

“Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life.
Almost everything--all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure--these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. 
Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart. 
No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet, death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it, and that is how it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It's life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new.”

Don't ever let anything stop you

I just listened to Tony Robbins and his 2006 TedTalks piece. I watched through to the end and was glad I did when he told a beautiful touching story about his experience of the 9/11 terrorist attacks on America. He was right when he claimed that it is when people are faced with extreme adversity and death that they become emotionally and physically driven to change the course of their lives and to LIVE their life.

This is what he said:
"When 9/11 happened -- I'll finish with this -- I was in Hawaii. I was with 2,000 people from 45 countries. We were translating four languages simultaneously for a program that I was conducting for a week. The night before (9/11) was called "Emotional Mastering.".......And all of a sudden I said, "When do people really start to live? When they face death."

And then I went through this whole thing about, if you weren't going to get off this island, if nine days from now you were going to die, who would you call, what would you say, what would you do?

One woman -- well, that night is when 9/11 happened -- one woman had come to the seminar and when she came there, her previous boyfriend had been kidnapped and murdered. Her friend, her new boyfriend, wanted to marry her, and she said no. He said, "If you leave and go to that Hawaii thing, it's over with us." She said, "It's over."

When I finished that night, she called him and left a message at the top of the World Trade Center where he worked, saying, "Honey, I love you, I just want you to know I want to marry you. It was stupid of me."

She was asleep, because it was 3 a.m. for us, when he called her back from the top and said, "Honey, I can't tell you what this means." He said, "I don't know how to tell you this, but you gave me the greatest gift because I'm going to die." And she played the recording for us in the room.

She was on Larry King later, and he said, "You're probably wondering how on Earth this could happen to you twice." And he said, "All I can say to you is, this must be God's message to you, honey. From now on, every day give your all, love your all. Don't let anything ever stop you."

The Ideal Death Show

Ideal Death Show and Good Funeral Awards 2015

So this weekend took me to London. A little outside of london is a quaint little English village called Winchester and for one day it becomes the hub of death in the UK. The Ideal Death Show, in its second consecutive year, brought fun, facts and deathly frolics.

Their approach to death seems to be quite tongue in cheek but factual which is nice and the village seem to embrace it.

First on my agenda was a public shrouding of  a live body. I’ve got to say I did not expect to get as emotional as I did when watching it but it seemd like such a beautiful personal final act for someone you love. I have often thought that coffins seem too impersonal – cold, detached and lonely. The shroud looked warm, comfortable and protective. The personal act of wrapping your loved one just seemed like you were caring for them like you would a newborn baby.

The fact that it is friendly for the environment and compatible with both burial and cremation was appealing also.

My disappointment of the show was the size of the exhibition. I expected a lot bigger. It was tiny and everyone looked a bit squished on top of each other. This made it difficult to collect your thoughts from one stand to another. There was the usual exhibiits and some unusual ones like a Viking Wicker Ship maker.

An Eco funeral

What is an Eco Funeral?

Eco means reducing the amount of C02 that will be produced from your funeral.
Think about the suppliers you will use, the products you will buy and how you can reduce, reuse and recycle. How far will your Suppliers/Supplies have to travel to get to your desired venue? Your funeral can still be everything you desire and have that ‘life celebration’ factor without costing the earth.

Venue

• Can you cut down on travel and have both ceremony and reception at the one venue?
• When talking with a venue ask them what their Environmental policies are and include carbon footprint, fair-trade goods and recycling in your questions.
• Does your venue buy local and/or organic produce? Will they offer you an organic alternative if you wish?
•  

Order of Service

• Try having family sending out the order of service via email
• Use recycled paper or from handmade paper
• Ask people to recycle the order of service at the bottom of the page.
• Use your imagination and give people something creative like something they can use again or even eat!

The Vessel

• Consider a cardboard coffin, woolen or  bamboo or other biodegradable container 
• For your dress use organic materials such as silk and cotton bought from fair-trade suppliers
• Perhaps have your body dressed in a biodegradable cloth such as cotton.

Flowers

• Try sourcing local and seasonal wildflowers. This will you cut emissions that would be generated by delivery.  
• For centrepieces, use oxygen producing potted plants or candles with green foliage.
• Are the Florists flowers organically grown in season?
• Do they recycle & compost? Does the florist work with farmers who follow sustainable practices?

Burial

• Choose a green graveyard for burial.  
• Choose a living marker for your grave plot site such as a tree.

Alternatives

• Opt out of embalming
• New upcoming Irish service Ecolation could be the answer for you if you are preplanning a purely ecological end of life exit.

Pawel Kuczynski satirical illustrations

Polish artist Pawel Kuczynski has created 29 thought provoking images on politics, social media, religion, poverty, the food chain and - the one that we (obviously) are most interested in - death. See the two below and click on the links for more. What are your thoughts?

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Pawel-Kuczynski/222849284410325

http://www.pawelkuczynski.com/

Dr Ken Murray "doctors die, they don't die like the rest of us"

An article by Dr. Ken Murray, an American general practitioner:

"It's not a frequent topic of discussion, but doctors die, too. And they don't die like the rest of us.

What's unusual about them is not how much treatment they get compared to most Americans, but how little. For all the time they spend fending off the deaths of others, they tend to be fairly serene when faced with death themselves. They know exactly what is going to happen, they know the choices, and they generally have access to any sort of medical care they could want. But they go gently.

 Of course, doctors don't want to die; they want to live. But they know enough about modern medicine to know its limits. And they know enough about death to know what all people fear most: dying in pain, and dying alone. They've talked about this with their families. They want to be sure, when the time comes, that no heroic measures will happen - that they will never experience, during their last moments on earth, someone breaking their ribs in an attempt to resuscitate them with CPR [cardio pulmonary resuscitation] (that's what happens if CPR is done right).

Almost all medical professionals have seen what we call "futile care" being performed on people. That's when doctors bring the cutting edge of technology to bear on a grievously ill person near the end of life. The patient will get cut open, perforated with tubes, hooked up to machines, and assaulted with drugs.

Some medical personnel wear medallions stamped "NO CODE" to tell physicians not to perform CPR on them. I have even seen it as a tattoo. To administer medical care that makes people suffer is anguishing. Physicians are trained to gather information without revealing any of their own feelings, but in private, among fellow doctors, they'll vent. "How can anyone do that to their family members?" they'll ask. I suspect it's one reason physicians have higher rates of ... depression than professionals in most other fields."

Thanksgiving and loss

Thanksgiving today and also the one year anniversary of Paul Cusack. He was an old school friend of mine and we connected both on and offline in latter years. It still strikes me every now and then (esp. When I'm behaving all 'woe is me') how short life is. Very recently I got robbed of a substantial amount of money and my laptop. While I know I am lucky that I wasn't harmed or worse, it still stung. I was extremely low for a week or so. Comments from people saying how sad I looked and my sparkle was gone, didn't do much to help but thankfully I did pull myself out of it and that I can do that because I can only imagine how difficult that must be for someone with depression. However it is times like today when it hits home that Paul, the same age as me when he died, was taken from this life too early. Why? What's the purpose? Why give him life for 30 years for it to be taken so suddenly? These and a million more questions are asked every day again and again by brothers, sister, mothers, fathers, sons, daughters and friends.

While losing someone brings up a million questions I feel that Paul's anniversary falling on such a prominent day answers at least one question for me - give thanks EVERY day that you get to spend it with the people you love and don't waste time arguing or wondering or ignoring people you care about. If you love them, show it and give thanks that you can.

Before I Die - Dublin's Bucket List