The Funny Thing About Death

 A play by Kim Kalish at the Cell Theatre in New York City, part of Origin Theatre Company’s 1^st Irish Festival 2023

 

The funny thing about death? You might be thinking, well there is no such thing. Death is not funny; it is not something to be found comical; to be laughed at. But for the storyteller, writer and performer Kim Kalish, it wasn’t that death was, or is, funny - her situation and experience were absolutely heart breaking - but it is how she coped with death - her grieving.

 

Kim used what was familiar to her; creativity, theatre and humor to help process the massive burden of grief. Humor was her coping mechanism. We see all of this in her spine-tingling, attention grabbing and captivating performance. In her own words, she was a theatre kid and that is how the bond blossomed between her and the love of her life - Patrick Michael McMurphy.

 

I had the privilege of sitting in the front row of her show, to feel the rawness and realness of her story, her wit and her emotions. We, the audience experienced the heaviness of her struggles but the essence of joy in finding true love at such a young age. I could feel my throat muscles tense and cave in at spells throughout the hour-long performance, while my eyes glassed over with both tears of sadness and laughter.

 

Their love story was a “showmance”, as Kim recalls. It sounded like the typical perfect Romcom. 

Kim was only 23 years old when death came knocking at her door in the form of her best friend Andrea, ‘Andy’. You see, death has no timeline; it does not care what time of the day, or what day of the week it is. It does not care if you are busy making plans for the future, or just hungover on your couch in the same outfit as the night before (as Kim was). It just comes knocking. Knocking when it is greedy for another life to take.

 

Professionals have termed The Five Stages of Grief as DABDA: 

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. Kim touches on this topic in the play, but listed them in the wrong order. At first thought, I presumed it was an error on her part. Later in the play she states that “Grief is not Linear, it is not a lifestyle change, nor is it a fad diet!”. It was at that point that I understood why she changed the order of stages. There is no order to death or grief. No single individual experiences these stages in the same pattern, what may be the second stage for one person is the first for another. Anger may consume a griever initially before denial sets in. When Kim received the news of her soulmate, love of her life, expected life partner’s death; she accelerated through all 5 stages of grief in just one moment.

 

She was both in denial and angry at her friend for saying such a thing, she bargained with her to take the news back; that the news she shared wasn’t funny. It was only when Andrea turned her head, in anticipation of Kim’s palm approaching her cheek to slap her, did Kim comprehend the reality of the situation. She fell to the ground in depression and shock, once the truth was accepted. Andrea was right there with her, cradling her. This is a true testament to friendships and the community we create for ourselves. When someone we love dies, our community and support is everything. Andrea was by Kim’s side for a week solid, so much so that she hadn’t showered and started to smell. This is how selfless her dear friend was.

 

You see, Kim was on suicide watch at her mother’s request. The uncertainty of what Kim may do was the main concern.  She claimed she was fine, that she was OK, not to worry about her. This was absolutely not the case; Kim went back to work two days later! Kim's mother wanted her to eat, in fact insisting that she ate! That is how she showed her love. 

 

In life, we all have different avenues of expressing and showing our love. When Patrick was alive, he used to express his love by showing up for Kim when she needed him most. He appeared at Kim’s apartment in the middle of the night as her knight in shining armor. Like most typical college kids, Kim was procrastinating on her senior year thesis. She frantically typed in the final 24 hours before it was due. She typed so hard and so fast that her laptop and thesis flashed and smoked before her eyes. When she lay in a fetal position thinking it was all over; there Patrick Michael McMurphy was to save the day.

 

Fast-forward and Kim was still not OK, and that is OK, she recounts two years later, with Patrick’s anniversary looming. She was dating again. Kim forewarned her date that it might be a difficult time for her and she didn’t know how she would behave. He exclaimed, “You’ll be OK though right?!”. Kim felt that her date’s question was a way of protecting himself against the possibility that she might not be OK. Asking someone if they will be ok, is like saying “time heals all wounds.” Words like those take away from the griever and their grief.

 

“It’s OK not to be OK” is a slogan used by Hope For The Day. This is a non-profit movement empowering the conversation on proactive suicide prevention and mental health education. There is no shame in admitting you need help, love or support. Please, if you are reading this; reach out to someone that is worrying you, seems reserved or you feel is alone with no support. Or, just reach out to friends and family and tell them you love them! 

 

This is a message that Kim leaves her audience with. For it was only at Patrick’s funeral that Kim discovered SHE was the definition of true love to him; not a Billy Joel song as she had once believed. He told a friend that true love was knowing what your partner needs before they know it themselves. She was who he wanted to be with and he was going to ask for her hand in marriage! But Patrick never got a chance to tell her before his tragic death. 

 

So, can I leave this with you? whom do you need to contact? Who would appreciate hearing your voice at the other end of the phone? Do not procrastinate like Kim, writing her college thesis. Who needs to hear the words today from your heart, “I love you”? 

 

-Siobhán Regan

Family and Friends - THAT is what the holiday season is all about.

Christmas is coming and of all the feasts throughout the year the celebration of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day seem to be the most popular of all. There are more traditions and customs associated with Christmas in all Christian countries than with any other feast. I love Christmas time, it’s family time, it’s home time.

A few years ago my family and I decided to stop exchanging gifts and focus on the real gift of time, time spent with each other. The first year, it felt a little odd, but as the years rolled by, it became the norm for us and now I love it and would not have it any other way.

Having spent many years in America and enjoying Thanksgiving, it soon became one of my favorite holidays. Why? Because it was so similar to my experience of Christmas but without the pressure of gift buying. Yes, both Thanksgiving and Christmas have become commercial commodities that the stores use to guilt trip us. But what if we could fight off the advertising awareness, the pressure to spend more than the next person on a present and find the time to really, truly enjoy the moment, the season, the holiday with our loved ones, wouldn’t we be more loved and loving? Isn’t that what these dates are truly about?

With increasing awareness of suicide, poor mental health and depression in Ireland today we should be focussing on what is important in life. Family and friends are two of the most important parts of life and for me, Christmas is a time to really bring that to the fore. Whatever business you are in, we should be encouraging all our customers to share this message of love and warmth, family and friends and reaching out to those who we know don’t have the luxury of either.

Look Up

Seamus Heaney - Great Irish Poet Dies

"Between my finger and my thumb, The squat pen rests. I'll dig with it."

Seamus Heaney (1939-2013)

Recognised by many people worldwide as the best Irish poet since Yeats, and studied by most school children in Ireland, Heaney began his career as a teacher before embarking on the career in poetry that led to him winning the Nobel prize for literature in 1995.


The Nobel prize-winner was born in April 1939, eldest of nine children, on a farm called Mossbawn near Bellaghy in Co Derry, Northern Ireland.

"Let whoever can, win glory before death"

His world renowned poetry first came to public attention in the mid-1960s with his first major collection, Death Of A Naturalist, published in 1966.

Taoiseach Enda Kenny quite rightly stated that "He belongs with Joyce, Yeats, Shaw and Beckett in the pantheon of our greatest literary exponents."


Heaney was made an honorary fellow at Trinity College Dublin and just last year was bestowed with the Seamus Heaney Professorship in Irish Writing at the university.

Notable awards:

• 1995 Nobel Prize for Literature 
• PEN Translation Prize (1985) for his translation of Sweeney Astray from Irish into English
• Geoffrey Faber Memorial Prize (1968)
• E. M. Forster Award (1975)
• PEN Translation Prize (1985) 
• Golden Wreath of Poetry (2001) 
• T. S. Eliot Prize (2006) 
• 2 x Whitbread Prizes (1996 and 1999)
• He was both the Harvard and the Oxford Professor of Poetry and was made a Commandeur de l'Ordre des Arts et Lettres in 1996. 
• Lifetime Recognition Award from the Griffin Trust For Excellence In Poetry

Random Fact: Former US President Bill Clinton apparently loves Heaney's poetry so much he called his dog 'Seamus'.

POETRY:

• Death of a Naturalist, Oxford University Press (New York, NY), 1966.
• Door into the Dark, Oxford University Press (New York, NY), 1969.
• Wintering Out, Faber (London), 1972, Oxford University Press (New York, NY), 1973.
• North, Faber, 1975, Oxford University Press (New York, NY), 1976.
• Field Work, Farrar, Straus (New York, NY), 1979.
• Poems: 1965-1975, Farrar, Straus (New York, NY), 1980.
• (Adapter) Sweeney Astray: A Version from the Irish, Farrar, Straus (New York, NY), 1984, revised edition, with photographs by Rachel Giese, published as Sweeney's Flight, 1992.
• Station Island, Farrar, Straus (New York, NY), 1984.
• The Haw Lantern, Farrar, Straus (New York, NY), 1987.
• New and Selected Poems, 1969-1987, Farrar, Straus (New York, NY), 1990, revised edition published as Selected Poems, 1966-1987, 1991.
• Seeing Things: Poems, Farrar, Straus (New York, NY), 1991.
• The Midnight Verdict, Gallery Books (Old Castle, County Meath, Ireland), 1993.
• The Spirit Level, Farrar, Straus (New York, NY), 1996.
• Opened Ground: Selected Poems, 1966-1996, Farrar, Straus (New York, NY), 1998.
• Electric Light, Farrar, Straus (New York, NY), 2001.
• District and Circle, Farrar, Straus (New York, NY), 2006.
• Contributor to 101 Poems Against War, edited by Matthew Hollis and Paul Keegan, Faber and Faber (London, England), 2003.

The Disney Files - Tim Burton

Timothy Walter "Tim" Burton (born August 25, 1958) 

American film director, film producer, writer, artist and animator. He is famous for his dark, gothic, macabre and quirky take on horror and fantasy style movies such as

• Beetlejuice 
• Edward Scissorhands
• The Nightmare Before Christmas
• Ed Wood
• Sleepy Hollow 
• Corpse Bride
• Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
• Dark Shadows
• Frankenweenie 
• Pee-wee's Big Adventure
• Batman, its first sequel Batman Returns
• Planet of the Apes 
• Remakes - Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Alice in Wonderland
• Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Burton is known for using recurring collaborators on his works; among them are Johnny Depp, musician Danny Elfman, who has composed scores for all but five of the films Burton has directed and/or produced; and actress/partner Helena Bonham Carter. Also Danny DeVito, Jeffrey Jones, Michael Keaton, Christopher Lee, Sarah Jessica Parker, Michelle Pfeiffer, Alan Rickman, Christopher Walken.

He also wrote and illustrated the poetry book The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy & Other Stories, published in 1997, and a compilation of his drawings, sketches and other artwork, entitled The Art of Tim Burton, was released in 2009.

Burton has directed 16 films and produced 12, as of 2012.


Burton's successful short film 'Stalk of the Celery Monster' attracted the attention of Walt Disney Productions' animation studio, who offered a young Burton apprenticeship at their studio where he worked as an animator, storyboard artist and concept artist on films such as The Fox and the Hound, The Black Cauldron and Tron.

'Stalk of the Celery Monster'

While at Disney in 1982, Burton made his first short 'Vincent' a six-minute black-and-white stop motion film. The film was produced by Rick Heinrichs, a guy Burton had befriended while working at Disney.

Burton's next live-action short was a black and white movie called Frankenweenie which was released in 1984 and a little dark by Disney standards - it tells the story of a young boy who tries to revive his dog after it is run over by a car.  After this film was completed, Disney fired Burton, claiming he spent the company's resources on a film that would be too scary for children to watch.

Zach Sobiech

Zach Sobiech, aged just 14, found out he had a rare form of terminal cancer (Osteosarcoma). 

Life tried to beat him down but he lived it anyway - the way and for as long as he could.

He passed away - May 20, 2013. Watch his beautiful story.

DONATE

Milo O’Shea

http://irishphotoarchive.blogspot.ie/2012/11/milo-oshea.html

Irish actor Milo O’Shea passed away in New York last night (2 June 1926 – 2 April 2013).

Born and raised in Dublin, the veteran actor went to the Christian Brothers school in Synge Street.

O’Shea lived in New York, where he moved in 1976.

Described by Minister for Arts Jimmy Deenihan as “a giant of stage and screen” .
“During his career in theatre and film, both at home and abroad, he is remembered for the quality of his performances in a range of challenging and often ground-breaking roles”


Notable Roles:

• Leopold Bloom in the 1967 film adaptation of James Joyce's Ulysses in 1967
• Neil Jordan’s 1997 film The Butcher Boy
• 1968 Romeo and Juliet 
• American sitcom Cheers
• 1960s BBC sitcom Me Mammy 
• US comedy Frasier 
• US political drama the West Wing
• Roger Vadim's movie Barbarella as a mad scientist
• Most recently in Irish comedy The Matchmaker

He is survived by his wife the actress Kitty Sullivan, his sons - Colm, Steven and his three grandchildren. He was previously married to Glenroe actor Maureen Toal who died last year but couple divorced in 1974.

Celtic Ashes

What if your loved one's last wish was to have their ashes scattered somewhere?

The risk of cremation is that there can often be nowhere to go to 'speak to' the deceased or say prayers or pause for thought. With cremation jewelry a piece of your loved one will always be with you when and where you need them most.

Cremation Jewelry can be a great way to honor the deceased and help family members to remember them, especially if everyone lives in different countries all over the world.

Irish Heritage? A Celtic Connection? Born in Ireland? Loved everything Irish? Loved Boyzone? Wanted to visit Ireland?

Whatever the deceased's connection was to Ireland - sending their ashes to an Irish company who will look after them and return to you a beautiful memorial keepsake to forever hold close might seem like a nice idea.

For more information Check out www.celtic-ashes.com

Stephen Gately 17 March 1976 – 10 October 2009

Originally from Sheriff Street in Dublin, Stephen Gately was one of five children and interestingly also one of five members of Irish boyband, Boyzone.

• With Boyzone, Stephen enjoyed a record-breaking 16 consecutive singles which entered the top 5 of the UK Singles Chart including 6 number ones. 
• He was first to release a solo album in 2000, after the group disbanded. He also went on to appear in various stage productions and television programmes. 
• In 2008, Boyzone reformed and produced the video 'Better'. 
• Stephen wed Andrew Cowles in a commitment ceremony in Las Vegas in 2003 and again in a civil partnership ceremony in London in 2006. Stephen was a patron of the charity 'Missing People'. 
• His book, 'The Tree of Seasons' which was in progress at his time of death in 2009, was written in collaboration with June Considine and Jules Williams but based on Stephen's original handwritten notes. On the day that he died he had just worked out the ending. 

 Ronan Keating's Eulogy to Stephen Gately:

Michael Clarke Duncan Funeral

Michael Clarke Duncan died on the 3rd of September 2012 at the age of 54 after failing to recover from a heart attack he had suffered earlier in the year. In 2000, he was nominated for an Oscar for his portrayal as a convicted murderer on death row in the above movie, The Green Mile.


His funeral details were as follows:

Date: 10th September 2012
Venue: Forest Lawn Memorial Park in Hollywood Hills

Music: Singer Stevie Wonder (via video) played piano and sang the opening verses of his song 'As'

Tributes:

Tom Hanks spoke of his late co-star and his penmanship, described as "loopy and huge", resembled that of "a 12-year-old girl who loves horses". He also told a warming story of how the actor one day decided to tell his mother he was going to join a gang in his hometown of Chicago. She hit him with a frying pan she was using. That ended that discussion. Tom Hanks describes then how he imagines the gentle giant (6ft 4in, 300 lb) trying to explain to his fellow gang members that his mother would not let him join them."If it wasn't for that mama and the frying pan with a pork chop, we would not be here today celebrating the life of Michael Clarke Duncan,".

Frank Darabont, director of The Green Mile, spoke and read a letter from Stephen King (Green Mile author) in which Stephen wrote "No one has ever done a character I wrote more justice."

Other speakers included Grey's Anatomy actress Loretta Devine and Angel/Bones actor David Boreanaz.


Attendees: Tom Hanks, his Green Mile co-star, US talk show host Jay Leno, Frank Darabont, director of The Green Mile, Grey's Anatomy actress Loretta Devine, David Boreanaz, Michael's fiancee - former reality TV star the Reverend Omarosa O Manigault, Michael's mother, sister and nephews

RIP Michael.

Nora Ephron Memorial

Nora planned every detail of her funeral including the location, who was going to speak and even how much time each speaker would get! She filed the plans in a folder marked “exit”. 


Here is/was the lowdown:


Venue: Alice Tully Hall of Lincoln Center 
When: 11:30AM Monday 9th July 2012
Music: "It's a Beautiful World" and "As Time Goes By" and many more.
Drink: Reception of pink champagne post memorial
Theme: FOOD!


Order of service/ Memorial booklet: Each one housed a torn out page from one of Nora's collection of recipes to go to the 800 odd people who were in attendance!


Film/Tribute: Actors performed sketches, musicians sang and they even introduced clips from some of Nora's films.


Attendees: Sons - Jacob and Max Bernstein, Martin Short, Delia Ephron, Richard Cohen, Mike Nichols, Meryl Streep, Tom Hanks, Rosie O'Donnell, J.J. Sacha, Annette Bening, Diane Sawyer, Martin Scorcese, Stephen Spielberg, directors Jack O'Brian and George Wolfe, gay activist Larry Kramer, Meg Ryan, Sally Field; Jon Hamm and Jennifer Westfeldt, media mogul Barry Diller and his wife, designer Diane Von Furstenberg, Joel Klein, the head of News Corp.'s education division; playwright-screenwriter Tony Kushner; writer-director James L. Brooks; Barbara Walters; Steve Martin; Mayor Michael Bloomberg; Larry David; Kristen Chenoweth; Diane Sawyer, Matthew Broderick; Martin Short and Martha Stewart, Charlie Rose, author Gay Talese; Tina Brown; Gayle King; and Gail Collins and David Carr of the New York Times among the attendees. phew!!!

An end of life wish between friends

Nachu Bhatnagar and Colton met at a summer camp in Yale. 


18-year-old high school seniors, Nachu lives in Maryland, and Colton lives in California. 


Nachu was diagnosed with Ewing’s sarcoma - a bone cancer and treatment was unsuccessful.


Instead of talking college applications, these friends were discussing end of life plans.When asked what he wanted for his birthday Nachu told Colton he wanted to read a book, but not just any book. Nachu is a huge fan of author Harry Turtledove, an author who writes historical fiction. He wanted to read series 4 of a 6 book series the author was writing on World War II. Book 4 wasn't due out until July which Nachu was not likely to live to see.


Colton went onto the Internet to see if he could source an advance of the book. He went onto Reddit.com and through a series of conversations with strangers, the book arrived at his house before he was due to fly over to Nachu. Colton surprises Nachu on his birthday in this video......

Consider a funeral...

Unfortunately, funeral planning is something we will all have to do at one point in our lives. Death is inevitable and the one thing that is guaranteed in life but when it comes down to organising a loved one's funeral, how do you do it? Where do you do it? Are you getting good value for money? How do you know? What do you really need and what are unnecessary expenses?

There are 3 basic reasons for considering funerals:

1.      A loved one has passed away suddenly

This can be one of the most difficult times in your life and one of the toughest to make decisions. This traumatic time can be made a little easier with good planning and financial decision-making. Have a look at our website to arm yourself with information on burials, eulogies, charities and finance. Or go one better and give us a call and let us help relieve some of the burden you are carrying.

2.      A loved one has been diagnosed as terminally ill

Planning this type of a funeral can be a difficult but also a healing process. Because you may be working with your loved one on what they would want from their funeral, you will feel more complete knowing that you have done everything as they would have wanted it on the day. Farewell can help work with you and your loved one to make this so and give it that creative, personal touch.

3.      You wish to pre-plan your own funeral


Still a little taboo in Ireland, preplanning your own funeral is growing from strength to strength. In our
opinion, everyone should consider this an important part of planning for the future. Planning for the
future allows you to relax and enjoy the present. Let us know your thoughts.

Journey

And no, not the band for a change!

How many of you have sat and thought about you and your life?
How many of you have thought about what you have accomplished in the past?
How many of you have thought about where you are going in life?
Or how you will be remembered for that life?

Maybe it's just me, but I think about this stuff all the time. I don't have any children, nor do I imagine I will have for the next few years at least. I often think of the future and wonder what will happen. I know I will always want those around me - friends and family, to think that I'm doing a good job, that I've achieved something for my life.I will always want them to remember me, never forget the impact (minor or major) I had on their lives.

For some of people, it might be hard to think about life, and where it has grown and where it is heading because as we all know too well, someday that lovely life will end. It will have come full circle and you will be forced to leave behind loved ones. But I truly believe that, in thinking about life and where it has come from and where it is going to, you recognise your journey and with every breath you fulfill your journey and the goals you set out for yourself.

Without an end, there can be no beginning. So take a moment, think about life and think about how you would best want to be remembered. I guarantee, as soon as you begin to consider the end, you will enjoy the journey alot more!